


Love, Hate, Repeat

by Achini



Category: INFINITE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Crimes & Criminals, Established Relationship, F/M, Fantasy, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 43,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25611436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Achini/pseuds/Achini
Summary: If you could live the same day again, what would it be?
Relationships: Kim Sunggyu/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**12 th December 2019, **

**-Or the day that Kim Yae Na broke up with her boyfriend of six years.**

The day started off like any other day. It was a cold early winter morning, just twelve days away from Christmas eve, and a few more to hers and Sung gyu’s wedding day. Unlike any other bride to be, however, Yae Na wasn’t looking forward to her big day for so many good reasons. She woke up with a splitting headache, knowing all the many things that she’d had to squeeze into her schedule due to the minimal time they had. It wasn’t the best idea to have a wedding in the Christmas season as it happened. But it was also not only the bride’s call to decide the right day as well.

On 12th of December 2019, Yae Na was startled awake by the sound of her two dogs barking. Sam and Coco, her Jindo siblings were breaking a havoc as usual, and she narrowed her eyes at the early morning sun seeping through the narrow gaps of her curtain. On her phone, the time read somewhere past seven in the morning. For someone who had so muck compacted to be done in a single day, Yae Na was already late. While staying in bed for even longer felt so comforting, she managed to pull off the covers, stepping out into the December chill. She stumbled into the living room in search of her still barking dogs, and when she couldn’t find them there, she followed their barks into the kitchen where she found what their predicament was. On an ordinary day, Sam and Coco would have been soundly napping on the foot of her bed, laying comfortably upon each other. But on this fine chilly morning, an unknown cat had snuck into her kitchen from god knows where and was protectively standing on top of her kitchen cabinet, cold and terrified, but still with enough energy to hiss at her dogs. As if she didn’t already have enough on her plate for the day. Yae Na rested her hands on her waist and let out a sigh. Seemingly she wasn’t up for a good start for the day.

“Sam! Coco!” She called them tiredly as both tried to climb up on the cabinet. It’s already been damaged by their nails which she never got around to trim, and fixing the scratched cabinets was going to be a pain. With much struggle, she made her way between the dogs, blocking the cat away from them. She’d never been very fond of cats, although he ground floor apartment was frequently visited by them. But she also did not want them hurt by her dogs.

“Go, go away” She hissed at the dogs yet again, and in the background, her phone started to ring. In a few minutes, she had to be at work, and to go to work, she had to remove the cat first.

“Come on now, you stinky little-,”

Yae Na reached out for the cat, her sleeves pulled up to save the trouble of cat fur sticking to it, and that came as a mistake, exposing her bare skin to a wild, terrified animal. In a swift movement, the cat who saw her extended arms as a danger, swished its claws.

“Ah, fuck” Yae Na hissed in pain, a grim cut appeared on her otherwise pale skin, a massive gash that bled , staining her sleeves. A scratch from a street cat resulting her going to the emergency room and possibly protective shots were the last things she needed right now. The dogs, acting upon their protective instincts started to bark at the cat even louder, hopping up to the counter, their clawy paws on her back and her waist. In the background, her phone rang and her arms still bled; it was complete pandemonium.

Yae Na couldn’t help herself thinking grimly, at that moment, if the wedding was not to happen in a matter of weeks, all of this would have been fine.

Not to get her wrong, Yae Na loved her husband to be beyond words. They’ve been together for six years and been through thick and thin together. They first met through a mutual friend when they went out for dinner together; she accidentally spilled a glass of beer on his shirt and profusely apologized and attempted to wipe it off with her woolen scarf on that chilly winter night. He’d looked down at her then, this hearstoppingly disarming smile on his lips; that’s when she knew. They’d been together since then, despite the occasional ups and downs in their lives which was a given if they were to last as a couple for so long. The reason why she despised the wedding, however, was that it was too much a hassle to carry out on her own.

When he first asked to marry her, they hadn’t planned on a shot gun wedding. They had plenty of time, he said, and like they’d done with most things, they would slowly plan it together. That was until a few months ago when Sung Gyu’s mother found out that she had a brain tumor. It was benign, and could be surgically removed. The surgery was done just a few days after it was located and it went quite successfully, despite Sung Gyu’s constant worries. However, the surgery changed a lot of things about them; about Sung Gyu, about his mother. She thought the tumor would return, and so she believed that her days were numbered. This led her to believe that she wouldn’t have long enough to be there for her only son’s wedding day let alone to live long enough to see her grand children. Sung Gyu wouldn’t have been convinced to bring their wedding even closer otherwise. But upon her mother’s endless pleas, Sung Gyu was left with no choice. And with him engaged in quite a demanding, time consuming profession, Yae Na had to carry the responsibilities of her wedding on her own.

Now she hardly had the time to see her fiance let alone discuss their wedding plans. Sung Gyu was a prosecutor, which meant he himself hadn’t much time to spend with her himself. And Yae Na who wasn’t usually affected by his late night work and lack of time started to become largely irritated by this. Yae Na had a demanding job herself; perhaps not as difficult as Sung Gyu’s, but it was equally important. Besides she had more than one concern to tend to; on one side, she had the wedding, and his family on the other. She didn’t even have time for herself. Why did it have to be only her who suffered because of the wedding that they were to have together? Why couldn’t Sung Gyu find a minute to spare? At least to check on her well being?

These weren’t the kind of things that they discussed nowadays. As far as couples went, Yae Na was sure, they were the only wedded-to-be pair who had the most minimal hours spent together. Even when he did call, it was only to check up on her as he routinely did, tell her that he loved her which hardly carried any feelings, or to tell her that she had to attend for dinner at his place since he couldn’t make it herself. Speak of emotional support in her trying times. She had none.

The only form of emotional support that she did get, she received from the school nurse. Yae Na was a school counselor and a teacher in ethics, a job that required more than a bad temper and a dull, unsmiling face. No wonder that she was called ‘the ghost’ by her students as the rumors said. Yae Na did constantly feel like a ghost herself, looming about the corridors, face blank, mind empty, with no will to live. The school nurse, namely Lisa Kim, was an American Korean who moved back to Seoul after her parents left to New York when she was still a child. Her Korean pronunciation was a little dodgy, but she was fun, quick witted, and most importantly, she had the easy access to an ample amount of pain killers that Yae Na frequently seemed to need.

“That’s a very ugly cut, Yae Na-Ssi” Lisa commented as she gently pressed the spirit soaked wad of cotton on her wound. It stung, only slightly but she didn’t even flinch. It was almost as if she’d been pushed and pulled and beaten so much that no pain could hurt her anymore. But Lisa was right, it was a particularly nasty wound.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to a hospital?” Lisa pressed on, sounding concerned. “You might need to get shots, especially if its a stray cat”

Yae Na closed her eyes and threw her head back, exhausted although its still early in the day. “No, I don’t have time”

Lisa applied ointment and started to skillfully dress the wound. “Wedding things?”

“Hm”

“What will you be doing today?”

Yae Na opened just one eye to look at her and laid back again. “Leaving half day. Got to go to the hair dressers, then an appointment with the florist”

“Sounds fun” Lisa giggled.

Yae Na gave her friend a sharp look. “You really haven’t planned a wedding, have you?”

Lisa only pouted in response. She’d lived a rather sheltered life, the only child of her parents whom they protected and cherished and given everything to. Yae Na couldn’t imagine how privileged her life must be. She liked her, nevertheless, for she was the only friend she had in this place while everyone else gave cold shoulder and side eyes.

“Anyway,” Lisa continued and rested Yae Na’s arm in her lap. “What’s stressing you out about it?” She tilted her head, quietly examining her friend. “Now that I think of it, you did seem kind of dull the past few weeks”

“Uh” Yae Na groaned, glad being given an outlet to vent on. “The whole thing is a stress, Lisa. Nobody wanted a wedding so soon except for his mum, and…”

For the next thirty minutes, Yae Na poured her heart out to the only friend she had. She told him about her mother in law and her removed benign tumor that both her and her son had been obsessing over despite its low chances of a return. She then went on to tell her about her fiance and his job which had never been a headache for her but now. Sung Gyu was a well reputed prosecutor, one that was known for his good sense of justice, commitment and precise approach. He’d won many cases, given many people the justice they deserved. Yae Na was proud of her husband, and even then, she didn’t hold back on bragging about him. But this particular case that he’s been chasing the past month, the ‘Red cross murderer’ as he called it, felt like a long stretched out circle without an end. It had kept him away from home more often than not, and when he returned, it would be so late in the night and he’d be dead tired to even call her. Yae Na wasn’t mad at Sung Gyu; he was only trying to do his job. She was mad at the murderer who, in her opinion, couldn’t have found a better time to kill people than a few weeks ahead of their wedding day.

After she had laid everything out in the open, quite like a very badly sequenced tale, Lisa stared at her for a second thoughtfully before she headed on to the medicine cabinet.

“I would suggest anti-stress medication, but I’m not a therapist” Lisa said as she picked a bottle from her lot in the drawer. “But you can do with Paracetamol, if it helps”

“Yes, Please” Yae Na groaned again, holding her hand out pleadingly. Lisa kept the pills in her hand and handed her a cup of warm water before she sat down again, watching her friend hungrily down the pills.

“Maybe you should talk to him about it” Lisa said once Yae Na was done with her medication. “The key to a good relationship is always communication”

She gave Lisa a long look. Sung Gyu and Yae Na did have good communication between them. They were both more of introverts and found comfort in each others’ presence rather than in words. Sung Gyu didn’t have to do much except for being there, in person or on the other end of the phone for Yae Na to feel better, and same went for him too. But these days, not even could she get hold of him on the phone much less than talk to him in person.

“Have you ever tried going to his office or something?” Lisa helpfully suggested.

“Oh no, he wouldn’t like that” Yae Na shook her head. What with the red cross murderer stressing him out at work, having her lost and looming about in the prosecutors’ office was the last thing he needed. And they weren’t anyway the kind of a couple who needed that kind of confirmation.

“Then what if you call him out for dinner?” Lisa tried again. “Perhaps somewhere around where he works...I’ve heard guys like it when its convenient”

“They sure do” Yae Na laughed, thinking back to Sung Gyu to whom it was always about convenience. Speaking of which, Lisa could be right. With the hectic schedule that he had, Sung Gyu hardly had time to get himself a proper meal. Yet, if Yae Na would ask him to, he would at least try to make some time for her. It was worth giving a shot.

“I guess I could try that” Yae Na said, giving Lisa a grateful smile. “Thank you” Lisa wasn’t much, if she was to be honest. But, as her only friend, Yae Na couldn’t imagine herself without her either.

“No problem!” Lisa replied cheerfully, followed by a little clap. Her demeanor instantly changed then, to one of child-like curiosity. “Now, miss Bride-to-be, what are you planning to do to your hair today?”

“Miss Bride-to-be, What would you like for your hair today?”

Somewhere later in that afternoon, having gotten off work earlier, Yae Na was finally at the hair salon. It was the same place that both Sung Gyu and herself frequented which was done by this lovely young man named Sung Jong who had the gentleness of a flower by appearance but could be quite aggressive (According to Sung Gyu who had acquainted him more) when he wanted to be.

“What would look good, Sung Jong-Ssi?” Yae Na asked him tiredly as she, in all honesty, had nothing in her mind.

“Well…” He drawled as she played around with her hair. Yae Na had quite long waves only because she’d been letting it grow for the wedding (And never had the time to trim it) which left Sung Jong enough liberty to style it as he wished. “Lets keep the length” He said in a sing song voice and a little dramatic swish of her hair. “Some long bangs and straightening would look great on you”

Yae Na couldn’t really imagine herself as anything more her lazy waves and droopy eyes. But for the lack of better things to say, she merely agreed. The next few minutes passed with Sung Jong washing her hair and skillfully snipping it off as they casually conversed in the passing. Sung Jong was effortlessly an easy person to be with, especially as he wouldn’t pry too much and spoke of only the things that she wished to let on. For the most part they’d be quiet, and somewhere in that time, Yae Na recalled back to that particular and rather useful relationship advice that Lisa gave her earlier that morning. She took her phone out and opened her messages for Sung gyu. Much to her chagrin, the last time he’d been online was last night, only to inform her that he’d returned home and was going to bed and ‘How did the fit on go?’ He was supposed to be there with her yesterday when she tried on her bridal dresses. Since he wasn’t and also since she’d already gone to sleep by then, Yae Na never had the time to reply. She contemplated for a second as to what she could tell him, and then called Sung Jong who was carefully snipping at a long fringe of her hair.

“Did Sung Gyu oppa come around recently?” She asked him out of mere curiosity. They have come to do their hair together once in a while. Otherwise he would often come on his own and when he did, she wouldn’t really know. Not that she was particularly interested either, until now.

“Sung Gyu Hyung?” Sung Jong replied thoughtfully. “No, not really...although I called him a while back, he said he was busy and we couldn’t really talk”

Yae Na pouted and let her phone slip back to her lap. That’s probably the response she would get to, if she called him. “Stupid Red cross murderer” She muttered to herself resentfully. If she ever managed to lay a hand on that man (or woman, they weren’t certain, apparently) it wouldn’t be them who’d be a murderer but her.

“What was that, noona?”

“Nothing” She sighed and closed her eyes, already giving up on her plan.

As evening approached, Yae Na grew more and more agitated. First, it was the flowers. When she went to the florist she could vaguely remember being told by her fiance that someone from her family was allergic to a flower in particular which was often used in flower decorations. If it was Lillie or Peonies, she couldn’t really recall. When she tried to call Sung Gyu in hopes to clarify, he screened her, he actually screened her, which she found really irritating. She was only trying to protect his family from a possible flower poisoning, he didn’t have to do that to her. Frustrated, Yae Na called his sister, who was usually helpful and was rather lovely even during the wedding preparation. But only, she was pregnant and that meant that she wasn’t always available for the phone. That’s how Yae Na ended up speaking to his mother instead.

Now, Yae Na sincerely had nothing against his mother. She was a small, quiet, hardworking woman. Both his parents were quiet and hard working. His father was a former city counsel and his mother had worked for the secretariat before her retirement, both of whom were coming from respectable backgrounds. Sung Gyu’s father was quiet and aloof, just like Sung Gyu was whereas his mother was always a busy body and quite too often, an extreme worrier. If anything, she would always imagine the worst case scenario with everything that they did. Be it her son’s work or in this case the wedding, she would end up thinking so far, sometimes beyond the scope of required thinking in certain matters that ultimately lead her to blow things out of proportion. Hence a fast wedding, triggered by her benign brain tumor When Yae Na called an asked about the flowers and allergies, she full on exploded, launching on a rant as to how nobody knew what flower it was as pollen was probably what triggered her son-in-law’s allergy so whatever the flower she chose, they shouldn’t have pollen, but what flower couldn’t possibly have any? By the time she was done with the call, Yae Na could swear, she had lost half the years of her life span.

After the flower incident, Yae Na sat out in the car, thinking about Sung Gyu and pollen and flowers and the wedding she’d grown tired of. It was late in the day, although the sky was still quite bright. Winter days were longer, nights were shorter, which was quite a convenience. But Yae Na wasn’t sure if she was done for the day. Fuck flowers, Fuck Lillies and fuck Peonies. Yae Na wanted her life back. Was it all worth it? She kept asking herself. Was she really ready to spend her entire life like this? Thinking about a husband whom she loved but seemed to slowly drift away? Thinking about a mother in law who couldn’t take a smallest inconvenience without making it ten times bigger than it was? Thinking about a life that didn’t feel like a life anymore?

Yae Na needed a sign, a reassurance, anything to keep on pulling and she needed it from him. She wanted to know if they were on the same page about this marriage, if Sung Gyu genuinely wanted it or if he was doing this just for the mother whom he thought was dying. If Sung Gyu genuinely wanted to marry her or if Red Cross murderer was just an excuse he used to keep himself away. Chewing her lower lip, hard, Yae Na stared out at the hustle and bustle of the street for the longest time. Then she picked up her phone, and with a deep breath, she dialed his number and waited.

He screened her yet again. Even more agitated now, Yae Na dialed once more. Sung Gyu picked up at the fourth ring.

“Yae Na, I’m in the middle of work, what is it?” He asked the first thing upon answering the call. Yae Na could hear voices in his background, so many of them, though she couldn’t make out whom.

“Sung Gyu oppa, are you free tonight?” Yae Na finally mustered out to him.

“Free tonight?” Sung Gyu asked her incredulously. “Yae Na, tonight is difficult, it will be difficult for a while and you know that-,”

“Please” She muttered to him pleadingly. “Lets have dinner tonight”

He was quiet for a while, then she heard him say something inaudible in the background, followed by footsteps. By the sound of it, he had walked outside.

“What is it? Is everything okay?”

Yae Na took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Whenever she heard his voice, everything would magically fall into place. Even then, for a moment, her heart felt calm, but not for long.

“You know I don’t have a lot of time-,”

“Tonight, I’ll tell you tonight” She said.

“Okay” He let out a heavy sigh. “Where do I come to?”

“I’ll come there. I’ll come to you-,”

“No” Sung Gyu exclaimed suddenly, which left her baffled and quite frankly a little terrified. She gripped her phone. He seemingly realized it too before he took a sharp breath.

“Just...just be there at the cafe next to Sung Jong’s...I’ll come”

Sung Gyu sounded tired, exhausted, and if anything, completely unwilling. Although it was evident in his voice that he probably would not come, Yae Na decided to trust him, like she always did. She decided to hold onto that thin thread of hope.

“Okay” She breathed, closing her eyes. “See you then”

Yae Na, as told by Sung Gyu, waited at the Cafe next to Sung Jong’s while carrying her sad, heavy heart. If she was to be completely honest, if she had a choice, she would put the wedding aside. It wasn’t what’s important for her, it was six years of their relationship that mattered, which, as of now, he and his mother were trying to lock and seal off with a hysterically planned wedding celebration. At times Yae Na wondered if he asked her to marry him because he genuinely wanted to to marry her or if it was because he was pressured into it. Sung Gyu was usually the type to make decisions for himself, but that wasn’t to say that these weren’t often shadowed by his parents’ influence. As successful as they were, they were powerful too. Being a city counsel couldn’t have been nothing for his father, hence it must have had a huge influence on his childhood too. Sung gyu, she always believed was perfect, in every angle that she’d seen him. Yet, unbeknownst to her the biggest force foreshadowing their relationship could have been his parents and now he could be running away from it, without even telling her, under the guise of the serial killer’s case whom he never could catch.

On the other hand, she was so, so tired. She wanted to get back to her job, get her life back on track again. Sung Gyu’s mother’s sickness and then the wedding had come to her back to back, attacking her without cease. She needed a rest now, a proper, comfortable rest. She wanted to be held and hugged and comforted and loved, to be told she did well and to be told that she wasn’t alone in pulling this along. And the only one who could give her this was him. She had supported him in his work too, had she not? She listened to him day and night when he wanted to vent out his frustration on particularly difficult cases, cuss out people whom he couldn’t cuss out in front of them and even cry in one occasion when he nearly failed in serving a murdered child justice. Through thick and thin, Yae Na could say with confidence, that she’d been beside him. Then now couldn’t he too, when she needed it? Now couldn’t he too, so would she so they could do this together?

As the night stretched out, though, the chances of him being any extent of support to her grew slimmer and slimmer. There was no sign of him for the longest time. Yae Na waited for half an hour, which became an hour, then two. She was tired, exhausted sad and broken apart. The answer almost seemed evident by then, especially when Sung Gyu screened her yet again when she tried to call him. If he was going to be like this with just less than a month before their wedding day, Yae Na thought, what was even the point of trying to take this any further?

Nearly three hours had passed since she first came to the Cafe when Sung Gyu finally arrived. By the looks of it, he did seem pretty tired. But who wasn’t? Everyone was tired with their jobs and their lives in this day and age. So was she.

“Hey, sorry I’m late” He called as he sat down before her. He scanned the empty table which had nothing but the complementary glass of water, untouched. “Didn’t you have anything while you waited?”

She remained quiet, looking away. She had to, for she felt tears in her eyes.

“I don’t have long so I wouldn’t have anything. What should I get for you? A coffee?”

Yae Na finally pulled herself together and looked over at him. Here he was, still him; the same dark brown eyes, the same wise gaze, the same messy hair yet wrinkles of age and exhaustion appearing on his skin. Six years. Six years into their relationship, yet she still loved him.

But did _he_?

“Did you eat?” Yae Na asked him.

“Not yet” He sighed, heaving a deep breath. “Actually, I need to move along soon so let’s-” He gestured at the waiter, but she reached out and stopped him. He complied, putting down his raised hand, then he looked over at her, concern filling his gaze.  
  


“Yae Na, are you okay?” He finally asked her.

And it was as if that’s all she needed to set the flood gates open. Her eyes filled up and her chest tightened. Suddenly she couldn’t breathe again. It was only then that she’d realized just how much she had held in.

“No” She whimpered and pressed both her hands to her face. Yae Na couldn’t hold herself back. But her cries were quiet. At least she had that. “Oppa…” She sobbed and finally met his eyes. “I can’t do this anymore”

Sung Gyu was quiet for a while, perhaps baffled by her sudden response, and Yae Na avoided his eyes the whole time.

“You can’t do what, Yae Na?” He wanted to know.

Yae Na didn’t reply because she wasn’t sure how to put it into words, the strange feeling she had, this doubt, this fear, this uncertainty, while Sung Gyu attempted to give it a name the best he could.

“Is it the wedding planning?”

Yae Na still remained quiet and she saw him moving closer to her.

“Yae Na, don’t think too much about it, take it slow, do only what you can...it’s fine”

She shook her head.

He took a deep breath and pursed his lips. Perhaps he was also as confused as she was, perhaps even more so. “Look, I know I haven’t been involved in a while, but I’m trying...and with work-,”

“ _Trying_?” She echoed, finally finding her voice. Perhaps that was the point where he pushed her the furthest, for she had seen it, quietly clearly so, that he hadn’t even _tried_ , not once.

“What have you _tried_ to do, oppa? Have you _tried_ to come to the dress fit on? Have you _tried_ to go to the venue? Have you _tried_ to even talk to your mother about the flower arrangement and asked if its lilies or fucking peonies?”

“Yae Na” Sung Gyu called out, trying to quieten her. “You know what I mean” He replied and pressed his hands on his brows. “And I know it’s tiring but-,”

“It’s not only that,” Yae Na went on, for once not forcing herself to hold back. “Do you remember the last time we actually spoke to each other? Not just a few words in the night but actually talked, actually sat down and had a meal together, actually went to bed together? Did we do any of that?”

There was a perceptible emotion crossing his face that showed he accepted everything. He knew, and yet-,

“Yae Na, these are all very little things and we’re both very busy right now. So please-”

“Very little things?” Yae Na replied irritably. “I don’t know how they are little things to you because for me they make a huge deal”

“Yae Na-,”

“Six years, Oppa. We’ve been together for six years and you still don’t understand how important these very little things are?”

He heaved a heavy sigh and ran his hands through his hair. Then he put his hands down on the table, gazing downwards for a while. When he finally looked up at her, he appeared grim, irritated. It was very rarely that he lost his patience, but when he did-,

“Is this why you called me tonight? To cry about how we can’t talk or eat or sleep together?”

Yae Na opened her mouth to respond, but she couldn’t. The sudden high flames in his eyes was terrifying her.

“Yae Na do you know what that makes you sound like? A child. We’ve gone way past that stage now, we’ve been together for six years, so by now you should have realized that it would be easy for neither of us and that we couldn’t kiss and cuddle every day and night like that even if we _wanted_ to”

“Wanted to?” Yae Na echoed, reiterating his words. “Does that mean you _don’t_ want to anymore?”

Sung gyu didn’t reply to her and merely stared back, blazing fire in his eyes.

His words were like bullets to her, hitting her where she felt weakest the most on and on until it made her hard to breathe. It wasn’t even what she meant, although she probably didn’t word it properly. If they were to get married, was this how they should be? Drifting apart? They used to be with each other more often, see each other often, and if anything, in a difficult time, depending on each other as much as they could. But now, at a time that they both evidently needed each other, if he couldn’t spare a minute for her, a single meal in days, then what did this all even mean?

Suddenly, the cakes, the dresses, the flowers, none of it mattered anymore. If Sung Gyu couldn’t see their value the same way that she did, if they certainly weren’t on the same page about it, then what was even the point? Why would she keep on trying?

And quite frankly, after tonight, she wouldn’t want to try anymore, she wanted to quit.

“I don’t have time for this-,” Sung Gyu said after a while, and only then did she realise that his phone was ringing. He climbed up on his feet before he beckoned the waiter.

“A warm Americano please” He told the waiter, but for Yae Na, that cool, soothing tone of his voice suddenly sounded distant, unfamiliar. She remained quiet and absolutely still, trying to pull herself together.

“Have some coffee and calm down a little” He told her, reaching for his jacket. “Have something to eat if you can, I will call you once I-,”

Yae Na, despite everything that he said which only sounded like a dream for her, had already made up her mind.

“Lets call it off”

Sung Gyu paused, his words hanging undone in the stale air around them.

“W-what did you say?” He asked her quietly after a while.

“The wedding” Yae Na said, taking a deep breath and turned to face him. “Let’s call it off, Oppa”

“Yae Na” He sighed, and almost as if he lost his ability to remain standing, he fell back onto the chair before her. “I...I don’t understand-,”

“You certainly don’t want to marry me” She said, confident of her finding. She should have known it all along. “So let’s just call it off”

Sung Gyu left her there after that; angered, irritated and with no patience to say another word. Her warm Americano was served while she stared out the vast glass panel, watching him hurriedly walking to his car, starting up and driving away. If her eyes weren’t blurry with tears, she would have seen the tiny silvery specs descending from the sky. It was the first snow of the season. Yae Na and Sung gyu never missed the first snow. They watched it together for six years, for it was on a day like this, on a snowy white Saturday a few days before Christmas that she’d first met Sung Gyu and fallen in love. The first snow always meant so much for them.

But if Sung Gyu had the strength to actually drive away with her with so much of spite even on the day of first snow, Yae Na couldn’t help thinking that it didn’t really matter to him anymore. The Kim Sung Gyu that she’d fallen in love with on a snowy Saturday six years ago didn’t love her back anymore, or not as much as he used to. Like this, they’ve come to an end.

Yae Na didn’t remember much from her drive back home. It was almost as if she was floating through the hours, still stuck in an endless nightmare. A part of her was drowned in regret. She’d been looking forward to it for years now, to the day that she’d marry him, to the day she’d become the wife to to the love of her life and mother his children one day, to walk down the aisle with his arms around her. She probably shouldn’t have done that, she probably should have tried to pull herself together, push through it even further. Yet, another part of her was drowning in resentment too. He just proved it to her, didn’t he? That he thought her affection was childish? That her need for care and comfort was nothing but a sign of her immaturity? He invalidated her feelings, he invalidated her pain and simply justified his erratic ways of avoiding his commitment on the wedding altogether. He didn’t need it; that’s what she could perceive out of his behavior. He didn’t need the wedding any longer. The only reason why he’d pull through it was his presumably dying mother.

Coming home, her heart just felt heavier, her head pounding and if anything, so emotionally strained. She had a bottle of soju on her own, sitting on the kitchen floor while her dogs barked and played around her, her eyes void of tears. She had very little memory of dragging herself to bed then, or falling asleep. She had blacked out however, she had, still in the clothes she’d worn to work, still with an unbearably heavy heart. What she didn’t know that night when she finally laid down upon her pillows was that her whole life was about to take a vile, sick turn.

**13 th December 2019**

**-or the day after Kim Yae Na broke up with her boyfriend of six years.**

Yae Na woke up, yet again, to the hectic sound of her barking dogs. Sam and Coco was at it again, and irritatingly so, for two days on a row. Yae Na narrowed her eyes again at the golden white light seeping in, her head pounding and limbs in pain. She could vaguely remember the previous night. It was mostly blurry, but she did know the gist of previous night’s events. Yae Na had called the wedding off and perhaps brutally broken up with the man she loved.

The day after was never easy. She would have to call his parents, tell them the truth, cancel appointments and cancel wedding invitations. She couldn’t believe how, with a wedding or not, her day was still jam packed. With a groan, Yae Na reached out for her phone. She expected there to be a message from Sung Gyu, or even a call. He should be regretting it surely, and wanted to apologize and regroup. It was not the first time they fought in six years, and usually when that happened he was the one to step forward and take a stand. So when she found a single message from him, saying that he had returned home and was going to bed and ‘how did the fit on go?’ Yae Na found two things to be irritated about it. For one, they’d had a fight. She would have expected something more, surely? Not just that he returned home and that he was going to bed? Besides, the bridal fit on was the day before yesterday. It further proved that he had absolutely no interest in the wedding anymore if he was forgetting these things. And didn’t the message look weirdly familiar?

She couldn’t focus, yet, as the barking of the dogs grew harder and harder. Wondering what had gotten into them this time, Yae Na trudged her way back to the living room, and upon not finding them there, she followed their noise to, yet again, the kitchen. Then she paused, her anger raised by a ten fold. The nasty stray cat from the morning before had yet again snuck in and was yet again on the kitchen cabinet. The previous day the cat itself slipped out from the crack of her window that she’d forgotten to open, so this time too, instead of trying to pull her dogs away, she went to the sink where the window it snuck in through was. She had it closed before she left yesterday. When she looked at the window past the curtain, however, it was open again.

Yae Na narrowed her eyes at the window, confused. She was pretty sure that she closed it the previous day. How was it open? Did the cat actually open it by its nosy cat-self? Or was she imagining things?

Irritated, she made her way back to the cat. Yae Na was completely aware of what the nasty cat would do, given that she had a badly bandaged arm-,

That’s when she realized it. The bandage, the arm. Why did she not feel it anymore? Quite shocked by her own finding, Yae Na stood still as the cat hissed and dodged, as the dogs continuously reached for it and slowly lifted her sleeve. She was In pajamas, which she hadn’t realized before. And when she lifted her sleeve-

-the bandage was gone, so was the wound; her arm was completely fine.

“What?” She mumbled as her world slowly started to spin. Was it only a dream last night? Everything that happened? Or was she mistaken? Did she not get a wound on her hand after all?

With her mind hazy with confusion, Yae Na didn’t realise that she’d moved closer to the cabinet that the cat was on. Her dogs went hysteric and kept barking and destroying the counter. Then, much to her utter befuddlement, the cat launched at her and in a swift movement, and swished its dirty little paw at her again.

Her hand was wounded, the exact same spot, the exact same pain, the exact same stain on her sweater sleeve and her skin. Yae Na felt herself propelling backwards, shocked and unable to continue standing for even longer. Her dogs kept trying to climb up and examine her, their protective instincts seeping in, and by the corner of her eyes she saw the cat slipping out the partially opened window the exact same way it did before, the window Yae Na was certain that she’d closed.

**13 th December 2019,**

**-but only it wasn’t.**

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**13 th December 2019,**

**-but only it wasn’t.**

**12 th December 2019, yet again.**

**-the day that Kim Yae Na’s fate took a vile leap forward**

She couldn’t believe it, but she had to, Kim Yae Na had most possibly gone back in time. There was no reason, no explanation, or no sign of how it might have begun. Kim Yae Na had woken up, hoping it was another new day, only to realise that it was the same day that she’d lived before. Did that make sense? Did any of this make sense?

No they didn’t. Not to her, not to anyone. And so she told nobody, not even to Lisa as she sat in the very same chair as yesterday, watching her tending to the wound on her arm in the exact same precision that she’d done before.

“That’s a very ugly cut, Yae Na-Ssi” Lisa told her once again as she cleaned the surface of the wound with surgical spirit. Its heavy stench was all too familiar for her, and so was the sting on her skin every time the cotton touched.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to a hospital?” Lisa went on, the same concern that she remembered coating her voice. “You might need to get shots, especially if its a stray cat”

Yae Na still couldn’t get her head around it. Was it only her who had gone back in time to the same day? Was it not the same for everyone else? How come Lisa was telling the same things that she did before? How come she hadn’t realized it that she too had gone back in time?

When Yae Nah had looked the calendar on her phone, it still was on 12th December 2019. Thinking it was a glitch on her phone, she turned on the TV. Answering to all her fears, it said the same thing on every single channel she turned to. _12_ _th_ _December 2019_. Just to clarify, she checked on the internet, on all her mobile applications, and then finally her calendar schedules; they all said the same thing, 12th December 2019.

So by now she was certain, for some weird unexplained reason she was living the exact same day once all over again. While she was completely lost and perplexed by the sudden turn her life had taken, she tried to calm herself down a little, think back to the events from previous night that could have caused this strange glitch in her timeline.

There was nothing particularly off about her day, except for her frustration over the wedding planning and Sung Gyu’s constant and evident avoidance of taking part in it. Then there was her hairdressing appointment which went as usual, then the florist where things only became worst, what with the flower arrangements. All in all, there wasn’t anything that she could say as out of ordinary. She met no witch or a shaman that day, or drive into a tree by accident or run over a black cat. She’d broken up, gotten drunk and cried herself to sleep. Then what on earth could have brought her here, back to the same day, while for everyone else it wasn’t?

Yae Na, if anything, had to clarify it herself.

“Lisa?” She called the nurse who was done dressing the wound and was staring at her. Yae Na realized, at this point, that their conversations wouldn’t go as exactly as they did yesterday unless she had reacted and done the same thing that she’d done before. The only instance where it differed was the cat. Perhaps, it was meant to happen. But what about everything else?

“Did I meet you yesterday?”

Lisa tilted her head to a side thoughtfully. “We did, you came over and we had coffee together and you said you were going to try out the dress” this seemed to slightly excite her, Lisa. As it happened, she was looking forward to the wedding a lot more than Yae Na herself was.

“So, how did it go? The fit on?”

In Yae Na’s original timeline, that was the day before yesterday. And she was pretty sure they did not have this conversation before.

Did that mean, if she changed things or did things any differently from yesterday, would the outcome be different? She had to test this too.

“The fit-on was fine” Yae Na replied as Lisa patiently awaited her answer. The fit on did go fine the day before yesterday, but only there was nobody to look at her in her wedding dress as Sung Gyu wasn’t accompanying her that she had to longingly stare at herself on the vast, life size mirror and rethink her life choices for the umpteenth time.

She realized that Lisa was still staring at her, this concerned look on her face, the same expression she had before she-

“You look stressed out, is it the wedding things?” She asked her. This wasn’t how the conversation went the previous day, but she wanted to test how they would go if she continued the same things that she did the previous day.

So she threw her head back, closing her eyes. “The whole thing is a stress, Lisa. Nobody wanted a wedding so soon except for his mum, and…”

Yae Na launched at the same whole account as yesterday, venting out on Lisa every little thing, without nothing amiss, as perfectly as she remembered from the previous time she did this. Lisa listened to everything, nodding and giving her the exact same reactions that Yae Na vaguely remembered. At the end of her account, Yae Na could remember quite well what would come next. Lisa would stare at her for a few minutes, which she did. Then she would walk over to her medicine cabinet, which she yet again did and open the drawer, reaching for a white bottle from the lot. Yae Na held her breath anticipating what she was about to say.

“I would suggest anti-stress medication, but I’m not a therapist” she said just like she did before just as she picked up the bottle. “But you can do with Paracetamol, if it helps”

Yae Na knew what she did next too. She would hold her hand out and she would give her water and pills and Yae Na would drink it and then Lisa would say-

“Maybe you should talk to him about it. The key to a good relationship is always communication”

If not for the oddity of the whole situation, Yae Na would have patted herself on the back for how accurate she’d been in her mind.

“Have you ever tried going to his office or something?” Lisa went on, gazing at her helpfully. Yae Na also knew how things went from this point. And now that she knew for a certain that they wouldn’t change if she reacted the same way, now she wanted to clarify if things were any different if she let them change.

She looked down at her watch, and knowing perfectly well that she had ten more minutes before the class starts, she let out an extremely phony groan. “Ah, Lisa, I wish I can stay and talk more but I have to run to class”

The sequence of events, just as expected, abruptly changed. “Really?” Lisa said, sounding confused. She reached over and took the plastic cup of water that she’d given her before she set it down on her desk. “Well, that’s fine” She shrugged, “We can talk over coffee, later”

Now that was a part of their conversation that definitely did not happen, for they would go on to talk about Sung Gyu and her, about dinner plans and later on about bridal hairstyles.

“Yeah, sure thing” Yae Na said, reaching for her jacket. “And thank you Lisa, for the pills and the dressing” She gestured at her wounded arm.

“No problem” Lisa smiled. “And tell me what happens with your appointments today”

Lisa did not know what she had planned for the day unless she told her what they were. It wasn’t the same Lisa that she’d met yesterday. For Lisa, the days were moving forward, it was a new day, while for Yae Na…

“Well, I will talk to you soon, Lisa” She called, a bit shaken at her core. No matter how further she went through this day, she couldn't seem to shake off that uncomfortable feeling that she felt. Nobody could live through the same day once again.

She did go to class after that but she didn’t change anything from how it went before, as she couldn’t have her children's fate compromised. It went on as usual, the kids did what the kids would, she gave them homework and extra reading and a daily reminder as to how long they had before their next test.

And then she went to her hair dressers appointment a little earlier than the decided time, determination fisted in her hand.

“You’re a little early” Sung Jong called from where he stood, fixing the hair of his last appointment while she waited. “Didn’t we have it for two?”

“We did” Yae Na agreed while her eyes were focused on her phone. She was staring at the last sent message from Sung Gyu, wondering if she should call, wondering if she should just send him a message and wait.

“What brings you early?” Sung Jong continued to ask her, further proving that her different choices, even if it was subtle, would make a big change in this time line.

“I finished work a little early” Yae Na said and gave him a smile. “Don’t mind me, Sung Jong Ssi, take your time, I can wait”

And she did. While she waited, she picked up her phone and stared at the message for even longer. The last time she hadn’t tried this, messaging him. She only waited and waited while her frustration festered on inside her, blaming him, blaming everyone and called him continuously while well aware that he would be stuck at work. This time, she would make a different choice. Although subtle, she’d make a slightest change and see how much it improved or even better, how much it would change the fate of the night.

She opened a fresh new message for him and typed out a rather long text that she hadn’t typed for a very long time.

‘ _Sung Gyu oppa, have you eaten? Have lunch and don’t stress yourself too much’_

She felt as if these were the words that she never got around to tell him. And even further, the things that would stress her out for the day.

‘ _I am going to the florist, so do you remember what flower your brother in law was allergic to? Also, I got scratched by a stray cat today. It’s fine, I got it treated’._

She attached a photograph of her bandaged hand for more emphasis, and pressed send.

‘ _Call me tonight if you had time. Take care and I love you’_

The words that she should have told him a long time before, the words that she should have told him every passing day. Yae Na felt warmth in her eyes, both emotional and relieved that she got a second chance in life, to make different choices, to keep loving the man she loved and to keep her marriage from falling apart.

Perhaps god wasn’t so cruel after all.

“Yae Na noona” Sung Jong’s voice called her, interrupting her thoughts. “You can have a seat”

In a matter of few minutes, Yae Na was back in the same situation from the last time, seated in the plush leather seat as Sung Jong played with her dark waves in the back.

“Miss Bride-to-be, What would you like for your hair today?”

“What would look good, Sung Jong-Ssi?” Yae Na asked him, already knowing what his choice was going to be, and also how she wanted things to change.

“Well…” He drawled as he played around with her hair just like he did before “Lets keep the length” He said in a sing song voice and then, there it came, the little dramatic swish of her hair. “Some long bangs and straightening would look great on you”

Yae Na thoughtfully tilted her head, staring at her own reflection, her confident gaze looking back at her. Yae Na smiled and shook her head. _A little change could make a big difference._

“Let’s cut it short” She said, swishing her hair herself rather dramatically. “And a darker tone of red, maybe?”

“Excellent choice!” Sung Jong answered, already getting down to work. And like this, Yae Na continued to change little things about her life.

While Sung Jong went on styling her hair, Yae Na thought a lot about things. If she were to change the fate of her marriage, how could she? What more could she do? Now that she didn’t feel the frustrations of it as much as she did the previous day (Perhaps because she was living it all the way from the beginning. She doubted if one would feel the same things twice if they were to live the same day agin) perhaps, she could make drastically different changes as well as the little ones. She opened the message she’d sent to Sung Gyu, a flicker of hope in her heart. She was only slightly disappointed that he hadn’t seen it. But he would, eventually. She had to hold on to that without, like he said earlier, getting immaturely emotional about very little things.

“How is the wedding planning going, noona?” Sung Jong asked her from the back. Yae Na remembered this question and since she was frustrated with it back then she had just vaguely answered that it was okay. Sung Jong must have noticed the trepidation in her voice at that time that he didn’t push on. This time, she answered differently.

“It’s going quite well actually” She replied. “Weddings are already quite difficult to plan, but-,”

“I know right?” Sung Jong responded with a laughter. “I can remember my noona’s wedding. She was so frustrated that she nearly did not have a wedding until we changed her mind!”

That was something new she was hearing from him, and in fact, she was quite glad to know that she wasn’t the only one who had the same reaction. “Have you looked at venues and everything?” He asked her.

“We did, we found a nice place in Gangnam, it was more on the expensive side but its fine...and we’re done with the dressing, you’re doing my hair, and in the evening I have an appointment with the florist”

“Sounds like everything’s under control” Sung Jong replied, sounding quite impressed. “Hyung must be very glad”

Yae Na wasn’t sure how to respond to that. In all honesty, Sung Gyu hadn’t said anything, he had never even gotten around to thank her while he constantly reminded her to do this and that without even trying to involve himself from his end. With work, it was understandable and this was exactly what she’d been frustrated about. If only he’d at least expressed his gratitude-,  
  


“Hyung didn’t come over in a while” Sung Jong was telling her while he concentratedly worked on her hair. “But he did come, I think, right around the time he proposed. I asked him if he’d started planning and everything. He was pretty confident that you’d be able to do it a lot better than he would…”

Yae Na’s heart picked up pace, thinking about his words. That sounded very much like Sung gyu. Sung Gyu would never bluff, he wasn’t the type to. And he also wasn’t the type to say good about someone to their face, he was honest but not courageous enough to do that. And to know that he’d still spoken so confidently of her? Yae Na felt warmth in her eyes. What had she been thinking at that time? What had she done?

“He said that?” Yae Na replied, trying not to sound tearful although her voice was beginning to break.

“Yeah” Sung Jong nodded in response. “He was very excited about it, getting married I mean. He kept telling me how it was exactly what he wanted. You know he’s so glad that its you because you were so kind and understanding, especially with his job and all….” Sung Jong let out a heavy sigh. “I’m so happy for you guys”

Yae Na didn’t realise that she had tears pouring down her cheeks. On one hand, the second chance she was given was a blessing to right all the wrong she did; on the other, she was seeing or hearing about a side of Sung Gyu that she’d never before imagined. She knew that he loved her, not only because he didn’t forget to text her that at least once every day but also because, despite all his shortcomings, he’d always tried to show it to her with the little things he did. Perhaps it was her that had failed all along, failed in seeing these things, failed in understanding him. Perhaps it was her that had failed in seeing his love, and instead tried to take away the exact thing that he’d loved about her.

“Noona? Are you okay?” Sung Jong, who must have seen her tear stained face, asked her out of concern. She sniffed hard, nodding and laughing at her own childish response. “Sorry” She muttered as he handed over a box of tissues. “I get a little emotional with the wedding and all”

“That’s fine” Sung Jong laughed, dismissing it with grace. “Happens to a lot of us...marriage is an emotional affair after all”

Yae Na laughed through her tears again; out of happiness or of pain and regret, she couldn’t tell. “It is, it quite is”

She knew what she had next on the schedule, and perhaps it was also the worst part of the day which later lead on to the bad decisions that she’d end up making. For this reason, even as she drove her way to the florist, she was feeling quite nervous, gripping the steering wheel so hard that her knuckles began to turn white. It was to snow tonight as far as she remembered, and her plan was to watch it, even though it would probably be by herself, without having broken the most important relationship that she had in her life. She had already made up her mind not to talk to his mother, for she knew what her decision on the flowers was going to be. Minimal on flowers, make up for it with more lights. She wasn’t sure how that would go this time. If she kept the conversation exactly the same, there wouldn’t be much of a change to anticipate.

Yae Na had just parked in front of the florist when the sound of her phone ringing echoed inside the car. She hadn’t expected that, and when the caller ID appeared with his name and the little heart that she’d saved it with, her own heart bloomed and expanded with warmth, with love. This is the turn that she didn’t have the last time. And it was the turn that they should have for everything to turn out for the best. For once after so many days, Kim Sung Gyu was calling her.

Yae Na took a deep breath and recollected herself. The last thing she wanted right now was breaking into tears the moment she’d hear his voice.

“Hello, oppa?” Yae Na answered once she finally picked up the call.

“I don’t have a lot of time, Yae Na, I’m calling because you wanted me to. Did you get your hair done yet?”

Hearing his voice, so close, so warm was enough to heal the burn in her heart. It was magical, how just his words could make everything better again.

“Yes, it’s okay oppa. I did, I cut it and dyed it red”

“Perfect” He answered hurriedly. “Can’t wait to see”

Their call, unlike the last time, held no resentment, no anger and no remorse. Just as how it should have been.

“Have you eaten?”

“I did” She could hear him moving about, lots of noises, the beeping of the police station. He was busy, but he still made time to call her. “And about this cat thing, is it bad? How did that even _happen_?”

“A stray cat snuck in” Yae Na laughed upon how cute and concerned he sounded, talking about it. “It’s not bad, I got Lisa to treat it”

“If its a stray cat you need to get the shots, Yae Na” He told her, and off the phone he said something to a colleague as well. Yae Na felt so bad about how she’d seen him all this time. It really wasn’t that he was purposefully avoiding the wedding preparations. He genuinely didn’t have time. “You should go to the ER, they would probably do it” He continued, coming back on the line again.

Yae Na looked down at the bandage on her arm. The wound that was previously a sign of a bad start to the day suddenly looked so positive for her. It was the wound that had gotten him to call her. Quite an odd blessing, really. “I will” She replied, smiling on her own.

“And also, the flower” He went on breathlessly. She could hear his hurried steps, perhaps in an empty corridor. Yae Na pictured him in her head, in his suit, his hair askew yet quick and confident on his feet. “Hyung is allergic to Lillies, as far as I remember, so as long as we avoid that. Roses would be fine right?”

Roses. She could already imagine her wedding hall, decorated in hundreds and hundreds of white roses, the two walking down the aisle, hand in hand. Her eyes became blurry again.

“Roses would be perfect”

“Great” Sung Gyu sighed. She could hear the opening door of his car. “That should be all. I have to go now, Yae Na. I will probably be late again but I will talk to you tonight, okay? Make sure to get the shots”

“Okay”

“And have dinner too”

Yae Na laughed. Sung Gyu would get really authoritative over meals although he himself skip them all the time. “You too” She reminded him. “And Oppa-,”

“Hm?”

“I love you”

There was a beat of silence then. And she could almost hear the smile on his lips. “So do I” He told her in return. Typical Sung Gyu who never said that he loved her in return. “Very much”

After her call with Sung Gyu, which was on the complete opposite end comparing to their phone conversation the last time, Yae Ba started to see everything on a positive note. Her appointment at the florist, turned out to be an easy affair. No hundred options to choose from, no continuous and irritating phone calls. She walked into the shop, smiling and feeling light as a feather, a little skip on her feet. God had really been kind to give her a second chance. And to make up for them (To the god, she meant) Yae Na would plan and have the most breathtaking winter wedding there has ever been and love Kim Sung Gyu the best that she could.

Together with the florist, Yae Na decided on a beautiful winter wonderland concept of babies breath and white baby roses, with pearls and glitter and pure white decors that matched her dress and her cards, all in perfect synchronization. They showed her a sample as to how her bouquet and the banquet hall decor was going to be. Flower stands and satin hangars along the aisles, a wall of white roses as the backdrop of the altar. With dimmed white lights, it would all look breathtaking. She snapped a few photographs so she could send them to Sung Gyu later.

Likewise, in her second round of florist appointment in her weirdly glitched timeline, a small change she made resulted in a huge difference. The flowers were set, her hair was done, the wedding was still on and they still loved each other like they always did.

After the florist appointment, of course, in the original timeline she would have met Sung Gyu in rather grim circumstances with her pent up frustration and his exhaustion from work where their break up would ensue. In her new time line, however, none of that would matter. It surprised her how every little action had a massive reaction, and how each of the reactions were sequenced, like pearl beads put in order; a chain of reactions. She was excited to see how the day would ultimately turn out to be. She would get another call from Sung Gyu perhaps. He might even come to her house then, then they could open the curtains and turn down the lights and watch the first snow together, huddled warmly under the blankets like they always did.

And so, in her new time line, Yae Na drove her way to the nearest hospital. Usually the ER is quite hectic but she did manage to make it to the OPD section. The registration went on without hassle and she joined the waiting out-patients, sitting in one of the plastic chairs watching other patrons pass by. Her heart felt light. It was almost as if she was dreaming. One couldn’t be this so happy possibly, especially if they were living the same day again for a second time. Was it god’s way of making people right their wrongs? Making them take the best choice? Was it god’s way of changing her path, changing her fate?

Yet, the more she thought about it, the odder, the scarier it would get. She knew now that every little action had a bigger reaction. When she sent a message, it led to getting a call which solved more than one problem at once, hence them not meeting tonight, hence the marriage staying intact. And if the marriage stayed intact as opposed to the original time line, what would happen next? What would be the reaction to that turn of events in this timeline? It scared her now, when she thought if it in that way. It could be anything. And what terrified her the most was how unpredictable and uncertain the turn could be.

Suddenly she felt cold and shaking in the core of her being. While she waited, time seemed to stretch out, further and further; seconds felt like minutes, minutes felt like hours, like years. So many good things couldn’t happen within this timeline. It almost felt too good to be true. It could have been only how she felt too but, the more she thought of it, the more she felt that something worse, something worse than the break up and the end of their marriage awaited them, lurking in the dark like a ferocious beast.

With her heart beating in anguish, her arms trembling in trepidation, Yae Na reached for her phone again. She needed a sign once more; to comfort her, to reassure her. She knew that it was going to be a long shot, but she wanted to hear his voice again.

So she opened her dialler and located his number on the top of the list. Yet, just as she was about to call him, her phone rang instead. It was almost like a sign from the heavens, just like she prayed for. Her heart fell at peace for a second. Sung Gyu was calling her; perhaps to check if the flowers turned out fine, to check if she went to get the shots as promised, to check if she had dinner.

But only, that wouldn’t be the Sung Gyu that she knew. He never called twice the same night; that she knew.

Yae Na allowed it to ring for a while. Then it stopped. So did her heart. Something wasn’t right, she realized, when it started ringing again.

Apprehensive, with her heart pounding so hard, Yae Na clutched the phone tightly in her hand and finally picked up the call.

She didn’t hear Sung Gyu’s voice in the background. It wasn’t him. She heard noises still. So many of them, yelling and screaming and beeping...in a distance, police sirens. Then there was a voice, the voice she recognised as none other than Howon, their mutual friend, Sung Gyu’s partner and the chief investigator in the ‘Red cross Murderer’.

“Y-Yae Na Ssi?” He called, and by the way Howon’s usual cool and confident voice shook, Yae Na already felt her world crumbling apart.

“Howon Ssi”

“It’s Sung Gyu Hyung” He replied, broke apart, answering to her worst fears. “Yae Na-Ssi, we-we were on a car chase...and we...and he”

“Howon-Ssi” Yae Na cried into the phone, so hard, so loud that her voice echoed down the entire corridor. “Please…”

“We lost him” Howon cried, and Yae Na’s whole world, in an instant, shattered apart. She hardly heard his voice then, as if she was under water; drowning and drowning, deeper and deeper.

“We lost him, Yae Na-Ssi...Sung Gyu Hyung, we lost him... _he’s gone_ ”

Yae Na didn’t even realise it then, when she finally collapsed onto the cold, hard floor.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**13 th December 2019**

**-or the day after Kim Yae Na lost her boyfriend of six years**

Yae Na stirred awake to the sound of her dogs bark. Sunlight was almost blinding her when she opened her eyes the slightest. The day was bright and loud and familiar, way too familiar. But not the persistent dread in her heart. She felt empty, cold and miserable. Vaguely, more like a distant memory, she could remember, she had _lost_ something. She had lost _something_. Something important, something significant, something that she loved so dearly. It felt like she was breathing under water. Everything was familiar, yet everything was strange, unknown. The dogs kept barking, the sun kept shining in her face like a quiet invitation. Her mind still rang, her heart was heavy, so so heavy. The dread was keeping her low, holding her down by an incessant weight. She’d _lost something_. What did she lose? Yae Na closed her eyes and tried to breath again. And then it came to her, hard and fast and solid as a rock hitting her right on the heart, ripping her apart.

She lost Sung Gyu, Yae Na lost Sung Gyu, _he was gone_.

Yae Na couldn’t even cry when she sat up on the bed, her mind hazy, filled with hundred million thoughts. She knew she’d lost Sung Gyu because that’s what she was told. Howon’s voice was still cruelly loud and clear in her mind. She’d lost Sung Gyu, they’d lost Sung Gyu. But how? And Why? Why did she not know these things? Why did she not remember them at all?

Hazy, lost and disoriented, Yae Na slowly looked around herself. The room was bright, curtains were slightly closed, and it was chilly. In a distant, in reality or in her mind, her dogs still barked; on and on in anguish, in alarm. All of this felt too familiar to her, far too familiar, almost as if-,

Suddenly coming to, the first thing Yae Na did was lifting her hand. She was in her pajamas, The same blue and white pajamas. When she lifted her sleeve with a trembling hand, there was no bandage, no scar. The dogs continued to bark.

For a second, Yae Na thought she’d died and come back to life again. She was shaking, so hard when she reached for her phone on the nightstand. The time was barely past seven at that time, and the date was-,

  
  


**12th December 2019**

  
  


**-Or the day that Kim Yae Na was forced to make a choice again**

  
  


_Sung Gyu was still alive._ It was December 12th again, the day they broke up once, or the day that she could have lost him. It was still morning of 12th December 2019, and whatever the different choices that she’d make today would decide the fate of her life.

She was in a time loop, she’d realized it by then. To wake up to the same day for a third time was tiring, yet it was a convenience to know what to expect at least for the most part of the day. She walked straight into the kitchen to find the cat on her kitchen cabinet, Coco and Sam attacking it from down below. She knew how the drill went. If she moved too close, the cat would scratch her, leaving a deep, nasty gash. This time, she decided to make a different choice. She walked around the dining table, made a beeline for the broom cupboard and returned with the first thing that came to her hand. She stood behind the dogs then and ambushed the cat a few times. This time, its nasty little paws only managed to attack the broom’s plastic hairs before it made its way to the opened window and disappeared behind the curtain, leaving her without a scratch.

_The small changes she did would make a big difference._

With a heavy sigh, she reached for the window, pulled it close and leaned against the cabinet to catch her breath. _What now?_ In her room, her phone was ringing. It would be Lisa, and in her original timeline, she would tell her that she’d gotten wounded by a stray cat and Lisa would tell her to come by the nurse's office to get treated. She hadn’t a wound on her hand now. So what difference would that make in this new day?

Just because she needed more clarification, Yae Na turned on her TV on her way to her bedroom to fetch the phone. The same TV shows were running again, and on the news, as she stood there nervously biting her nails, they said it. The day was still December 12th 2019\. Sung Gyu was definitely still alive.

Yae Na picked up Lisa’s call. For a second she contemplated telling her the situation that she was in, living the same day over and over again. But then again, she decided against it. It wasn’t that she couldn’t tell her. It was only that there was no way that she could prove it and also Yae Na was afraid that it would make a difference in this time line as opposed to the original and she could never tell what the reaction to that would be. While nervously staring at the soundless TV where people and places appeared in no particular sequence in her mind, she nodded and nodded, quite blankly to everything that Lisa said. They planned to meet before class for coffee. At which point Yae Na suggested that they went to the cafeteria, to which Lisa agreed.

On the morning news, something that she hadn’t noticed the previous two times appeared. Perhaps she hadn’t paid enough attention, perhaps it just simply skipped her mind. But there it was, a news bulletin recapping the new progress of the case of Yong San Murders, or as how Yae Na recognised it, The _‘Red Cross Murderer’_

The case had been stretching on for more a month now, becoming more and more intense as days passed. Sung Gyu never disclosed much details on it, he never did, as he wished to perfectly compartmentalize his work and personal life. But Yae Na knew it for a fact that the reason why he did not let on anything about the cases was _her._ How sensitive she could get when it was anything that had to do with someone dying. Death, as it happened, was Yae Na’s biggest fear. She lost both her parents in an accident when she was still a child, a scar that had stayed with her for the longest time. She grew up in an orphanage until she made it to college, moved into her own house when she earned enough to do so. Having been mostly by herself, Yae Na had very little that she feared, but death, Sung Gyu knew, would terrify her. And therefore she never knew the case in exact details, only that it was happening, only that it’s been a big pain for him.

Clutching her phone in her trembling hand, Yae Na sat down on the floor, staring at the TV. She didn’t know what caused the turn of previous nights events, by what cause she’d lost Sung gyu that night. She could very vaguely remember what Howon told her on the phone, still. ‘ _We_ _were on a car chase_ ’

They were on a car chase. And if they were on a car chase, did Sung Gyu-?

No. Yae Na shook her head, forcing herself to not think any further. She had to, but she couldn’t, not unless she wanted to lose herself again. If she was to remove the incident from the new time line, however, she had to know how it happened. By now, she knew that it had everything to do with the Red Cross Murderer. She wasn’t in her right mind to absorb much from the news bulletin, but there were a few things that she did understand. The killings were unconventional, and also that the murderer was a former medical worker of the Korean Red Cross. The rest, including the actual progression of the investigation from her fiance’s end, she had to find out.

What also occurred to her at that point was just how difficult things must have been for him, being the prosecutor responsible of the case. A case so difficult, so twisted and ugly. Sung Gyu could have been like any other prosecutor, dealt with it from the surface, fabricate evidence maybe, get a higher up to frame the murderer somehow and throw them behind bars, or even worse, tally it down to a case with no evidence and serve the victims no justice, close the case. But Sung Gyu wasn’t like any other prosecutor. His strong sense of justice and his will to _serve_ justice, whatever it would take, would always keep him engaged to the case until he’d solved it with nothing amiss. Sung Gyu was always emotionally attached to the victims, emotionally attached to every case at hand. And whenever something went wrong, which did, on many occasions, it affected him so much that he would be morally drained for a very long time. Yae Na understood this too, hence her trying her best to be by his side. But this time, with the wedding, with her own frustrations, Yae Na realized how very little attention that she’d given him, and in turn, perhaps believing that it would be straining for her as well, how very little that Sung Gyu had let on.

So perhaps, in this time line, that was the element which she had to change in order to save Sung Gyu as well as their marriage all at once.

She was scared to change a lot of details from the original timeline in fear that it would cause a considerable chain effect in the following events. She got into the same outfit she’d worn before, drove to work in the chilly, brilliant morning. She met Lisa down in the corridor which was different from the last two times, perhaps due to her avoiding the cat attack. She smiled at her, although her heart felt like an inflated balloon with anxiety.

“Yae Na-Ssi!” Lisa called, reaching out to her and grabbing her hand. “I was just on my way to the cafeteria”

“Great!” She laughed, but she was breathless. “I’ve been starving-,”

The two relocated to the cafeteria where they got themselves coffee and sandwiches, another event that didn’t occur in their previous timeline, and then they shared tales from their life. Yae Na, scared of compromising the coming incidents, tried her best to divert the conversations as to how they originally should be. But to no avail, they were mostly about wedding planning and dresses and shoes and how excited Lisa was to see her on her wedding day; nothing about her frustrations, no venting anger, no complains. She supposed that it was the impact of getting no cat scratch. The problem was, however, how would this affect the rest of the day?

She went to her class afterwards, and yet again didn’t dare change anything that had previously happened in the two timelines that she’d passed, afraid to compromise the children’s fate. She left school on a half-day leave as planned, went to Sung Jong’s exactly on time, who welcomed her with a bright smile.

Yet again, she found herself seated on the exact same plush chair, facing the mirror, her reflection no different from the previous two times.

Sung Jong undid her hair, allowed it to cascade down the back of the chair, ran his fingers through it.

“Miss Bride-to-be, What would you like for your hair today?”

“What would look good, Sung Jong-Ssi?” Yae Na repeated for the third time.

“Well..” He said and yet again played with her hair. “Lets keep the length” He said in the same sing song voice that she remembered, followed by the little dramatic swish of her hair. “Some long bangs and straightening would look great on you”

This time, she decided to go with it. After the unexpected turn of events the last time, she was too afraid to make a different choice that could possibly make a bigger impact. It might be just the size and the shade of her hair, but as how the sequence of time seemed to work, even the subtlest things she did seemed to matter.

He washed it and started snipping it again, the same and the same things that she was used to. Yae Na pulled out her phone again, opened the last message he had sent her. Seeing his words, reading them in his voice in her mind made something snap in her heart. Had the timeline of the previous time continued, on the 13th of December, Yae Na wouldn’t have the man she loved anymore. Even the thought of it was killing her, there was no word nor an emotion that she could put to explain how she felt. Without Sung Gyu, Yae Na would have no one. A mere orphan she was, without anyone whom she could call family but him. Sung Gyu was her whole life, her whole world. Even the thought of losing him…

“Noona?” Sung Jong’s voice came from behind her. “Are you alright?”

Yae Na didn’t even realise that she was crying. Quiet tears were streaming down her cheeks, falling on her hand. When she looked, her own reflection appeared blurry. She sobbed hard and Sung Jong immediately handed over a box of tissues. Some of it had indeed happened in the second round, the tissue box, her crying. But she certainly didn’t want it to continue.

“Sorry” She said, shaking her head. “I’ve just been stressed out I guess” She shook her head.

Sung Jong’s blurry image on the mirror seemed to stare at her for a second, scrutinizing her.

“You _look_ stressed out, is it the wedding things?” He said, and for a second, the same words echoed in her mind like a distant memory, but only in a different voice.

Lisa. Her heart stopped for a while, those were the exact words that Lisa had said.

So what should she say now?

“Uh…” She looked away, trying to find her words. She was too afraid to say the exact same thing that she’d told Lisa at that time. She had to change. “Yeah…” She laughed awkwardly. “There is so much to do”

“I know right?” Sung Jong replied laughing, and his words echoed in her mind. “I can remember my noona’s wedding. She was so frustrated that she nearly did not have a wedding until we changed her mind!”

Sung Jong said this before, in the second timeline, he did. Yae Na had to change, redirect it on a different direction.

“Not only that” She sighed, and it wasn’t hard to appear devastated because that’s exactly what she was, having lived the same day three days in a row. “I haven’t seen Sung Gyu in a while”

If she calculated that time in her own timeline, Yae Na hadn’t seen Sung Gyu in person for nearly two days. So much had happened during that time that it felt like years had passed.

“Really?” He said, making a face. “So why don’t you visit him at work or something?”

Vaguely similar to what Lisa had said before, it was the sense and the purpose that set them apart. For a moment, Yae Na contemplated it herself. She’d never visited him at work, not in their entire time of six years together. Sung gyu, like said, liked to compartmentalize his life, and she knew that his colleagues knew her only by name and her part in his life, except for Howon who had introduced them to each other. He didn’t really like having her there, perhaps because her presence would disrupt his focus or perhaps because there was so much going on with work that he wouldn’t have a second to spare to entertain her. But that’s exactly what she also hadn’t done yet in this time line. When she come to think of it, the call that she would take after the hair appointment would make a massive difference. The first time, it was after the florists too, but still it was a call to Sung Gyu which determined the end of their relationship. The second time, yet again the call that was resulted by her message caused her to spend less time at the florist, then her visit to the ER; the biggest and most significant difference being that they didn’t meet each other.

Yae Na felt like she was hit by a strong gush of wind that knocked her out of breath, at that moment. That was it. She had probably cracked a riddle right there. Them not meeting that day was what made the biggest difference; and what led up to that was the call. The call the previous time made them meet. The call after that, didn’t. So what would happen if she skipped the call altogether and met him instead?

“You know what, Sung Jong?” Yae Na filled in the quietness that had followed after Sung Jong’s questions. “I think I’ll do that. I’ll meet him there at work”

“I think that would be nice” Sung Jong said in agreement. “He might not let on most of the time, but Hyung says he really need moral support sometimes, and he said the biggest moral support he had was you”

Yae Na, yet again paused to meet his eyes on the mirror. With every time she had this appointment with Sung Jong, she seemed to learn something new.

“Really? Did he say that?” She whispered to him.

“Yeah, he told me one time when he’d been having a rough time and apparently you’ve been making him feel better…”

“I do” Yae Na muttered, although she felt chocked up. “I do”

“I’m really happy for you guys” Sung Jong went on in more of an end note. “I really am”

She drove to the florist next, this time drowned in anxiety as opposed to the light, featherly feeling that she’d had the second time around. She had her mind set on what to do there, however, and what to do right after. When she parked her car, she was quite doubtful about what flowers to pick. Now that she was certain that it was Lilies that they had to avoid, she was having second thoughts about white roses. What if her selection from the previous time had a big impact on what transpired afterwards? What if, even if it was a very subtle choice that she made, what if the very idea of white roses had some sort of a twisted, eerie connection to everything that followed?

Yae Na sat in her car for a while, contemplating things. At that point she was very much inclined to call Sung Gyu again, ask him about the flowers, hear his voice again. A part of her was terrified to, while the other part of her…

She kind of had the feeling that, with flowers, even in this timeline he would probably go with the same choice. Sung Gyu would want white roses, no matter what implication it may be. And the roses probably wouldn’t be the only thing that they’d talk about would she call him.

“No” Yae Na shook her head, her eyes shut tight. “No, No, Yae Na”

It was the call. The call controlled everything. She wasn’t certain, but if anything, she had a heavy gut feeling that it did.

Making up her mind, Yae Na finally made her way back to the store. Everything went pretty much the same as they did the previous time. She picked the baby roses which went with baby’s breath for the aisles and the backdrop of the altar and her bouquet and the banquet hall. That would be what Sung Gyu would want in his wedding decorations too; She reminded herself again. And this probably did not have an impact on the rest of the day. It was just the call, just the call, which she wouldn’t do this time.

So instead of calling Sung Gyu, after the florist appointment was over, she called Howon. Lee Howon, a reputed investigator from the Yongsan Police Department was Sung Gyu and Yae Na’s most trusted friend and Sung Gyu’s most trusted colleague. As a pair, a prosecutor and an investigator, they’ve been working together for a very long time. There was nobody else that Yae Na trusted more when it was anything about Sung Gyu; whether it was his well being or whereabouts (or when she didn’t want to talk to Sung Gyu after they’ve had a fight) Howon too, never hesitated to accommodate her the best he could.

“Yae Na-Ssi” Howon replied, a little breathless, the moment he picked up the phone.

“Hi, um…” Yae Na clutched the steering wheel with both her hands. “Is oppa around?”

“Sung Gyu Hyung?” He asked, and his voice went off the line just for half a minute. “Yeah he’s here. Do you want to talk to him?”

Just to know that he was there with him was enough relief for her, and also the cool calmness that Howon’s voice always carried, which put her heart at peace for a while.

“No, no, that’s fine” She quickly replied, fighting her urge to hear his voice. “Where are you?”

“We’re in Haebangchon” Howon responded hurriedly.

“Will you go back to the station afterwards?”

“Yeah we’re nearly done here, we’ll be going back in a while. Hyung too, I think. He’ll be with me”

That was enough reassurance for her, and enough clarification that she could go ahead as planned. She ended the call at that point, making up her mind. Haebangchon wasn’t so far off from the Yongsan police station, and by the time she reached the station. The two of them will be there too. So she pulled herself back on to the road again. As the sky turned Grey and a hazy shade of lavender, she drove her way through the serpentine Seoul streets on her quest of saving the love of her life.

By the time Yae Na arrive at the Yong San station, the sky was in a dull purplish Grey. It was so cold at that time that she couldn’t even imagine herself standing outside unless she dared to freeze herself to death. Yae Na had come to the station only a bunch of times during her acquaintanceship with Howon. It had to be years since she last came here. Nothing much had changed about the place, except that it was slightly more crowded than before. Sitting in her car, she stared ahead, watching the car park as vehicles came and left, searching for the black Hyundai that Sung Gyu drove, waiting for him to arrive. Even if he was with Howon, it was in his vehicle that they went around mostly because Howon made a terrible driver at times and also because his was leased, hence, given the kind of adventures the two engaged in (Not the kind that they’d get her involved in) he couldn’t afford to get it even scratched.

The wait was driving her insane. She hated how time seemed to stretch out so much, something she’d never felt until she got herself stuck in this time loop. Seconds seemed to take hours to pass by, minutes took ages. It was not until the sky started taking a darker shade that she saw Sung Gyu’s jeep pulling into the parking lot. Sung Gyu wasn’t a very patient driver himself. She gasped when he took a particularly nasty turn, reversed it in one pull and she held her breath. It felt like million years had passed by since she last saw him, and just like it had the very first time, Yae Na felt butterflied fluttering in her chest. He was here. Sung Gyu was here. _He was really here._

With a deep breath, Yae Na climbed out of her car and made her way across the asphalt towards the main entrance. They haven’t even gotten down yet. But if she didn’t get down by then she wouldn’t be able to catch up with their hurried strides. Yae Na stood alone in the dark, hugging herself as her breath formed white clouds in the air. She swore her nose and ears have begun to freeze. But that was fine, as her heart warmed up and inflated the moment she saw Sung Gyu’s lean, dark silhouette make his way towards the entrance. Howon was beside him, the two, just as she guess, hurried on their feet. Sung Gyu was in the same suit as he was the night that they broke up, which was no surprise. It was the same day after all. It had to be by this time, in her original time line that she had called him as well. The two entered the gravel path that she was in, without even noticing her. They were talking among themselves, lost in their own world. It was time to make herself seen.

So Yae Na hurried her way behind them, she literally ran after them and soon called out his name in a shrilly, breathless voice.

“Sung Gyu oppa”

Sung Gyu stopped, so did Howon. Both the men turned around at once. When he registered her presence before them, he swore under his breath.

“What the hell?”

“Yae Na-Ssi?” Howon called. It was Sung Gyu who strode on her direction first but Yae Na couldn’t wait until he got closer. She took off in long strides and ran right into his arms. To say that she was overwhelmed was an understatement, at that time. There was no word that would properly describe exactly how she felt. To feel Sung Gyu’s warmth, to hear his voice, the beating of his heart, the sound of his breath. Yae Na was crying without even her realizing it. God was cruel, yet was kind at times, for she had lost the one she loved for a while. Now she had him again.

She threw her arms around him and buried her face in his chest, sobbing into his coat, breathing in the sweet citrusy scent that she had always loved. Yae Na felt home again, in his arms, Yae Na could finally breathe again.

“Yae Na?” He asked, his voice coated with confusion. “Are you alright?”

_No she wasn’t_ , she wanted to tell him. She’d lived the same day again and again three times in a row, lost him and gotten him back twice. She was tired, she was terrified. All she wanted right now was to be held in his arms and remain in his embrace as long as time lasted.

But she also had to pull herself together. She had a very confused boyfriend to answer to.

“Yae Na, what’s going on?” He asked her, pulling her away from him. He was so close all of a sudden, and in his warm hand, he held her face. She could see him through her tears; his warm, pale skin, the incessant love and concern in his eyes, the fine swells and contours, everything that made him, him.

Everything she’d thought she’d lost.

“I don’t know” She whispered, shaking her head. Yae Na couldn’t possibly explain everything that had happened in her life until then. Sung Gyu loved her, but he would never believe her. “I don’t know,” She met his eyes and felt like breaking apart again. “I just missed you”

“Tonight? All of a sudden?”

He didn’t know how long it had been, how much they’ve been through.

Yae Na only nodded in response. “I missed you”

Sung Gyu let out a heavy sigh and glanced behind him, perhaps at Howon who was quietly standing in the background. “Fine,” He said and his warm hand reached for hers. “It’s cold out here...come on, let’s go inside”

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

[T/W; Mention of rape/murder]

* * *

Yae Na was hazy, in a trance, perhaps, as Sung Gyu took her hand warmly in his and led her into the police station. She wasn’t registering her surrounding for a second. Everything was just loud, hectic and bright. There were so many people inside. She could see how most of them looked at her, at hers and Sung Gyu’s entangled hands. Once he’d brought her inside, Sung Gyu let go of her hand and led her to a chair nearby while the rest of the men stopped whatever they were doing and stared at her.

“Would you like some coffee? A hot drink?” She heard Howon’s voice in her background and she felt Sung Gyu’s hand on her head, in her hair.

Yae Na shook her head.

“Let’s give her a second, she’s quite overwhelmed” Sung gyu said.

Yae Na reached up to his hand and took it in hers. She was slowly taking in her surrounding. The police station, Howon, Howon’s desk, Howon’s colleagues all of whom were curiously staring at him.

“My wife” Yae Na heard Sung Gyu telling the others. “She’s just a bit upset”

The quietness of the hall suddenly became loud and cheery. Everyone was congratulating him, telling him strange cheesy things and Sung Gyu was laughing all the while as he gripped her hand. He looked down at her and she looked up, she was still overwhelmed by seeing him, so happy, very much alive. Yae Na felt much better again.

Once everyone seemed to calm down and the initial surprise of seeing her waned away, Sung gyu pulled out a chair next to her and sat down. Howon came around and handed over two steaming paper cups, one for Sung gyu and one for her. The air around them scented of instant coffee. Sung Gyu took both her hands.

“Are you mad at me?” Yae Na asked him. Even if he was, it wouldn’t show unless he was absolutely livid like he was on the night they broke up. That’s how Sung Gyu was.

“I am” He admitted as he took a sharp breath. “What are you doing here Yae Na? How did you know I’d be here?”

“I called Howon” Yae Na sincerely replied. “And I wanted to see you”

Sung Gyu eyes softened at her response. He tilted his head and gazed at her, scanning her, absorbing the sight of her. She really wanted to reach out and kiss him then, bury herself in his arms again and never let go. She gazed back at him instead, at the way his usually neat hair fell over his eyes, at the shape of his lips, chapped after being out in the cold for too long. Was he taking good care of himself? Had he eaten? Was he happy? Was he as happy as she was after seeing her?

“Yae Na, you know you shouldn’t be here, right?” He asked her, filling in the silence between them.

“I know” She nodded.

Sung Gyu nodded as well and looked at her again. “Then you should probably go”

“Oppa-,”

“But I want to talk to you first”

Yae Na let out a heavy breath. “Okay”

“Come on” He said, taking her by her hand. He climbed up on his feet and she followed.

“We’ll be in the meeting room for a minute” He told Howon who merely nodded, and soon he ushered her across the vast hall of the police station, then down a short, narrow corridor and led her into a dark, closed room. He kept the door open to let her in, closed it behind her and turned the lights on. But when Yae Na nearly made her way towards the messily placed chairs around the round table, he gently pulled her towards him, propelling her backwards. In a heartbeat, he had her trapped between the door and himself, before he took her face in his hand, leaned downwards and kissed her on her lips.

Every time he kissed her, every time she kissed him, it felt like the very first time. Yae Na suddenly couldn’t breath again, now for a very different reason. His lips were warm upon hers, his hand resting on her neck, the other around her waist pulling her further into his embrace. Her heart inflated, filled with warmth, a sensation that seeped right through her like fireworks. Her own hands reached out for him as she eagerly responded. They wrapped around his neck, tangled through his hair. She hummed and smiled into their kiss, hopeful and gratified before he slowly pulled away.

His eyes were like stars when he gazed down at her.

“I thought you wanted to talk” She muttered, and he rubbed his knuckles down her cheek.

“We _are_ talking” He replied, leaned down and kissed her again. “I missed you too…so much”

“Hm” Yae Na closed her eyes as he tugged playfully on her lips. He moved back yet again, his eyes fell on her messy new bangs. “Did you get your hair done?” He whispered as he fixed them gently with his fingers.

“Yeah, I did”

“It’s beautiful” he muttered, in this deep tender voice that she knew he used only, and only for her. He ran his fingers down her hair then, allowing it to tangle up and released it down her shoulder.

“ _You’re_ beautiful” He whispered, moved in and kissed her again, a series of feather light touches gracing her lips, tenderly, lovingly. And yet, they were still talking.

“Did you go to the florist?” Breathlessly, he would ask her, and lick her bottom lip to which she would answer with a hum and grant as he wished.

“Baby roses” She would tell him before he could ask what the flowers were. When he’d smile, his lips moved along with hers, and he looked beautiful.

“Perfect” He’d mumble, pull her even closer and kiss her even more.

As they continued, as seconds turned into minutes, however, she realized that there was something about the way he kissed her that made her feel terrified. What began as an innocent, playful lock of lips, as it progressed, was beginning to change its form. She felt the desperation within him, in his movements, in his warmth. She felt it in the way that he held her, the way his fingers wrapped around her wrist, the way his eyes remained closed the entire time, the way he breathed. It was no longer a kiss of passion then. It was despair, search for comfort, search for warmth; like he was passing a message onto her, something fearful, something terrifying that he couldn’t put into words. Yae Na felt it like a stab in her heart.

“Oppa” She was breathless as she abruptly pulled away. When he looked at her, there was moisture in his eyes. Yae Na felt her heart pick up pace. The same trepidation, the same fear was slowly taking over her entire being. “Oppa, what’s wrong?” she whispered, holding his face in her both her hands, rubbing his cheeks.

Sung Gyu slowly shook his head. “Nothing” He said, and much to her concern, he sniffled, so softly, so subtly that she wouldn’t have even heard him. No he wasn’t fine. It simply couldn’t be nothing. Yae Na knew Sung Gyu, perhaps better than he thought she did. There was something that he was hiding from her, something that he wasn’t telling her. Something that certainly scared him.

When she opened her mouth to push on even further, he moved in and kissed her once more, silencing her words. He was gentle this time, like a promise, a flicker of hope.

“Sung Gyu Hyung” Howon’s voice came from the other side of the door. She felt a knock on the wooden panel behind her and they slowly extricated from each other, struggling to catch their breath. Its in that moment Yae Na registered that they’ve been like this while Sung Gyu was still at work. Sung Gyu would never have done this. He would never.

He moved away from her, further and even further before he pulled her away from the door. Their moment of intimacy had come to an end like that. But she didn’t want it to. They weren’t done yet. They weren’t done talking. She wanted him to tell her everything, whatever that scared him, whatever that had made him feel that way, that had somehow, for the very first time in their lives had convinced him to kiss her in a back room of the police station, out of fear, our of desperation in a way that she had never seen him before.

But all before she could say anything, he pulled the door open, and Howon was standing on the other side.

“Hyung” Howon started, his lips tight and certainly aware of what had transpired behind the door. “The forensics office called” He said, and Sung Gyu’s demeanor completely changed. He held her hand still, even as the three of them traversed the corridor and entered the vast hall of the station again. All the while, the two men were still talking.

“I’ll fetch the report and come here again” Sung Gyu continued, speaking in a low voice, perhaps unaware that Yae Na was paying close attention to every word he said. She had to crack the mystery of what happened the previous time as well, know what had taken him away from her, so she could stop that from happening again.

“What did they say so far?”

Yae Na didn’t catch much of what they said next; just a few words then and there which didn’t make much sense to her.

_Fentanyl...a toxic dose….the body….._

When they reached the entrance then, Sung gyu gripped her hand even harder and let out a heavy sigh. “Looks like Doctor Yoon is on a role again”

Yae Na looked at the either of the men, confused.

Sung Gyu glanced down at her and gave her a smile. “That’s nothing you would want to know, sweetheart”

“Hyung” Howon groaned, shaking his head.

Despite what Sung Gyu believed, however, Yae Na did want to know what it was all about. Who was Doctor Yoon? What body? What Toxins? What the _hell_ was _Fentanyl_?

But it was evident, by then, that Sung Gyu wasn’t going to stay back and tell her anything. The three of them walked to the car park, Yae Na reluctantly as she, more than anything else, did not want Sung Gyu to go.

“Now, where’s you car?” She heard him mutter, which he then spotted a few feet away from his own. “There we are”

“Sung Gyu Oppa” Yae Na called, gripping his wrist both her hands. If Sung Gyu was going, she was going with him. Things may have changed drastically from the original timeline and that’s what scared her the most. There was no cat scratch, no ER, no phone call. How would the ultimate fate of the day change now? Fear was instilled in her heart by then, especially thinking back to just moments ago, how Sung Gyu’s eyes were filled with moisture when he’d gazed into her eyes, almost desperate-

“Take me with you” Yae Na told him without a second thought.

They stopped right in front of her car and Sung Gyu heaved a heavy sigh. “Yae Na, you know that I can’t do that”

“I won’t do anything” She pressed on. “I’ll just stay in the car, I won’t even listen to what you’re saying”

Sung Gyu pursed his lips and glanced at Howon who just shrugged. Then he looked back at her and laid his hands on her shoulders. “Listen, It’s not about that. I just don’t think that you should-,”

“No” Yae Na shook her head. It was late in the night now, almost the time for the first snow. By the time of first snow the previous time, she was in the ER, and while she was in the ER she got a call and he had-,

Yae Na moved forward and held onto him, hard.

“Yae Na…”

“Don’t go” She muttered, burying her face in his chest.

“Why not?” Sung Gyu asked her as he tried to gently pry her away, but she tightened her grip around him.

“Because...because I have a bad feeling, a _very_ bad feeling”

Sung Gyu was quiet for a while, then he lifted her face with both his hands. When he met her eyes, in his own was boundless concern. “Is that why you came here today?”

Yae Na was wordless, at which point he let out yet another heavy sigh. “Aigoo” He muttered then, hugging her close. “It’s probably nothing, sweetheart, you’re just worrying too much”

“It’s not nothing” Yae Na vigorously shook her head. She wished she could tell him everything, how it had been the same day three times for her consecutively and how she had lost him in two different ways, how she was not going to lose him again. She was chocking when she buried her head in his chest, her hands gripping tightly onto him. “It’s not nothing, I swear”

“But I can’t take you with me, Yae Na, you know that”

“But you can-,”

“I wouldn’t be too long” He said, and slowly he pulled her away from him. Yae Na complied this time, perhaps convinced by the gentleness of his voice. She gazed up at him, into his tender, wise eyes, the eyes that held her entire world. “I’ll be back soon, I’m just running to the forensics lab, that’s all” He told her and gently fixed her bangs. “Meanwhile you should drive home, have dinner and have a shower and just wait...I’ll call, hm?”

Yae Na did not want to leave, not like that. The day, just as it had been the previous night, was eerily too good to be true. She wouldn’t return home like that. She simply couldn’t.

“I’ll just stay at the station then” Yae Na told him.

“At the station?” He echoed incredulously and glanced over at Howon.

“I’ll be here anyway” Howon shrugged.

Sung gyu sighed. “You have to keep an eye on her though”

“Okay”

He nodded then, and turned back to her. “I really have to go now, these reports can’t wait”

“It’s only the forensics lab you’re going to, right?” She asked him, her voice trembling, trying to find a flicker of hope for things to not go wrong again. He was going to the lab, Howon was staying behind. Its not the same as the last time.

“That’s right” He said, giving her a kindest little smile. “Now” he started, took a step towards her and kissed her long between her messy bangs. “You can stay here as long as you want to. But I’ll be back soon”

“Okay” Yae Na gave a vigorous nod, staring at him hopefully.

He then turned to Howon. “I’ll be back soon. We’ll see what comes up next. But if you hear anything from your team in HBC, let me know”

_His team in HBC?_ Howon had people from the police in Haebangchon?

“You’re really only going to the lab, right?” Yae Na pushed on again. She didn’t like the sound of a team in Haebangchon. For some reason, she just couldn’t trust him with that piece of information.

“Yes, Yae Na, Only that” He sighed. He glanced at his phone which was vibrating without cease before he reached out and placed a chaste kiss on her lips.

“I love you” she told him when he moved away, which, like it always did, made him smile.

“So do I” he muttered, took a deep breath. “A lot”.

She couldn’t wait to watch him leave as the cold became almost too unbearable for them. Howon led her back in again, and even as she walked with him, she didn’t fail to keep glancing behind her to see Sung Gyu making his way back to his jeep. He was speaking on his phone all the while as he swiftly climbed back in. He disappeared into the car then, and soon it left in the likes of a dark stallion, further into the chilly, winter night.

Afterwards, Yae Na sat nervously next to Howon at his desk while he worked, watching as the clocks ticked by. It was a moment of transition; in this time line, everything was uncertain now, and that terrified her. She wouldn’t know what would happen after this point, now that most things of the day had taken a completely different turn. The next few hours, she supposed, would define her entire life after this point. The next few hours would define her fate.

Howon, who was completely unaware of her being in a time loop looked at her across the table with curious eyes.

“What are you thinking so hard about?” He asked her when she glanced at him.

“Me?” She returned, quite disoriented, having been lost in her own thoughts.

“Let me guess” He narrowed his eyes. “Who is doctor Yoon and what the hell is he on a role about?”

The way he worded it out made her laugh a little, which he too followed. They fell quiet then, and Yae Na found Howon gazing at her across the table. Yae Na tilted her head at him questioningly.

“Hyung really left me a huge responsibility” Howon said, heaving a great big sigh, shaking his head. _“H_ _yung’s_ _precious Yae Na”_

The way he said that made something strong shift in her heart. Yae Na knew that Sung Gyu loved her; he wouldn’t say it in so many words but he would show it and let her know in every possible chance he got. He wasn’t the kind to hold back on showing her affection, especially if it was only Howon who was around. In a time that they hardly got to see each other, however, in a time that Yae Na had genuinely thought they’ve begun to drift away, what Yae Na didn’t know was that he had never stopped loving her, not even for a second.

And this, only Howon would know.

“You know…” He started, grasping his hands together as he continued to look at her. “Hyung, he probably never told you this, but he’s been going through so much the past few weeks. He’s a huge worrier; about his mother, about you...and on top of that, he had to take on the case”

Yae Na could almost hear the sound of her breaking heart. Breaking for him. She realized that there’s only so much that she had known of her husband to be, only so little that she’d used them to make unfair judgments, unfair choices. Even if she was being given second and third chances, she felt she was being punished for them now, for doing that mistake the very first time.

“He initially didn’t want to take it over...he was telling me that he had a wedding to plan” Howon laughed a little as if he was recalling a fond memory. “He was so excited about it, Hyung was. He kept telling me that it was the best decision he’d ever made”

Yae Na’s eyes filled up for the umpteenth time. Oh how wrong she had been. “He did?”

“He did, he did…” Howon nodded, his eyes distant, perhaps wrapped around the memories that he held dear. He took a sharp breath and leaned forward before he continued. “The only reason why Hyung took over the case was the victims, I think. He keeps the women of his life on a very high pedestal. His mother, his sister, you. When he first looked at the case and saw that all the victims were young women living on their own, what he told me was that we couldn’t let it go on happening, because they were all women like you. ‘They’re all someone’s Yae Na’, he told me. Its a difficult, sick and twisted case. But for you, I think he wouldn’t stop trying”

She started sobbing unexpectedly, overwhelmed my million emotions all at once. Sorrow, pain, regret and above all interminable love for the person that held her heart. With every day that she’d spent in the time loop, Yae Na realized, she seemed to be falling in love with him again and again. Perhaps _this_ was god’s plan, to make her realise, see the truth, to love him again.

“You really are very emotional aren’t you?” Howon laughed, and she looked up to see that he had extended his hand to give her a wad of tissues. She smiled through her tears, quite embarrassed as she quickly dabbed her face.

“Hyung says so too, all the time” Howon continued, sitting back.

“That I’m emotional?” She asked him.

“That you’re sensitive” Howon corrected himself. “He was really worried because you had to go through the wedding planning on your own. He was telling me that you could get exhausted easily and really overwhelmed when there’s too much to do. He couldn’t get involved with it because of the case”

It must have been only her but it almost appeared that Howon was trying to tie the strings that she had imagined were broken between Sung Gyu and her by telling her all these things.

“It must have been emotionally straining for him too” Howon continued, nodding to himself. “It’s a very ugly, revolting case, Yae Na. And I’m sure he’s holding in so much. I know that you are not like that but if you felt at any point he was not involved with the wedding, that was all for you”

She felt it like a stab in her heart, like he’d seen right through the Yae Na that she was in her original timeline. The angry, the resentful, the stupid.

“You see, we know who the murderer is, and it was Hyung and I who first knew. There were so much of evidence pointing at him” He let out a heavy sigh, looking at her. “I’m not sure if I should tell you these things-,”

“Please” Yae Na replied, begging him. She wanted to know, she had to know so that she could save him. “Tell me everything”

“Hyung will murder me”

“He wouldn’t know”

If things turned out differently tonight and when she’d get to see him again, she would act like they didn’t even matter.

“Okay” Howon nodded. “Well...Doctor Yoon, he...he’s what you call psychotic. He was first known to behave like that when he was working for the Korean Red Cross. He had attacked a female nurse when he was still there...with an injection syringe. After that he had escaped with a Red Cross lorry full of medical equipment and anesthetics, driving all over the city in madness and stayed hidden here and there, away from the police’s eyes. It was then that the murders started…” He took a deep breath, recollecting himself. “Female, all five victims. In their early thirties and late twenties, living on their own. Killed by overdoses of Anesthetics. Every single body was found with a fatal dose of Fentanyl in their systems and….” He went quiet for a while, but she almost understood. Yet, he worded it out anyway, looking as if he wished to swallow his word. “Sexually abused”

Yae Na’s entire body went cold in response. “B-but...why?”

“We don’t know yet” Howon frowned. “But Hyung assumes that he’s suffering from necrophilia, a form of it, at least; because according to the autopsy results so far, all the women, when they were penetrated and ejaculated in, they were all still alive. Fentanyl wouldn’t kill instantly, so that means…” He trailed off, running his hand through his hair, appearing a little relieved as if he’d let down a heavy weight off his shoulders. Sung Gyu, who loved his mother and his sister and even herself so much, Sung gyu who couldn’t bear seeing a woman treated that way, it must have been inexplicably difficult to be handling this on his own. If it had been this so difficult for Howon, how could it have been for him?

Yae Na could almost hear his voice in her head. _‘_ _That’s nothing you would want to know, sweetheart’_

That's everything that she should have known; to comfort him, to be by his side the entire time. And that’s everything that he hadn’t let on but kept stewing inside him lest it would hurt her. That was probably why he had been so desperate tonight, desperate for comfort, desperate to be loved. Yae Na couldn’t help but regret it that she hadn’t held him in her arms long enough.

“Yae Na...are you okay?” Howon’s voice interrupted her train of thoughts, and she immediately came to.

“Huh? Yeah...yeah I’m fine” She swallowed.

Howon continued to watch her closely for a second and closed his eyes. “I shouldn’t have told you anything, Hyung will kill me”

“He would understand” Yae Na replied.

“Yeah but if I-,”

At the very same moment, then, Howon’s phone started to ring. Yae Na’s heart stopped for a second, fear overtook her, swallowing her whole as she stared at the other, gripping her hand.

“Yes, right, we’ll be there” Howon said into the phone, his eyes set on her and cut off the line. It wasn’t her that he spoke to, first. It was to the rest of the officers littered all over the station floor.

“Doctor Yoon’s on the run, they need back up!”

Yae Na immediately climbed up on her feet. Howon turned to her, reaching for his jacket. “You need to go home”

“No” She said, gripping her hands. “I’m coming with you”

“Yae Na” He started with frustration. “Hyung would come back, he would be fine”

“Will you be chasing doctor Yoon? In your cars?” She asked, her voice a mere shrill which certainly caught Howon off guard.

“We don’t know, probably” Howon replied hurriedly and walked around his desk. “But you got to go”

That was it. The car chase, it’s happening. She couldn’t just leave then. She had to go.

“Howon, take me with you, or I’m telling him everything you said”

Howon paused, looking at the rest of the officers who were also in pandemonium. Yae Na wouldn’t back away; her fear had become courage now, and with courage she was ready to do anything that she could to make sure the love of her life was safe.

“Okay fine” Howon sighed, and Yae Na too, reached for her jacket. “But you can’t tell him, or do anything funny”

“I won’t”

“Right” Howon breathed, and put his gun in his holster. “Right. Let’s go”

Haebangchon was a small town situated in central Seoul, just by the foot of Namsan -do. Both Yae Na and Sung Gyu were residents of Yonsan-gu, overlooking the infamous Namsan tower in a distance. When Howon received the call from his team in Haebangchon, however, doctor Yoon’s jeep had already left the town, cut through the nearing cities and entered the expressway headed towards Jung-Gu. The road fell through a residential area which eventually lead into a rather secluded, mountainous forest. That night, Yae Na sat nervously, expectantly in Howon’s car followed by yet another plethora of police vehicles before and behind them. She had never been on a ride so intense with a murderer on loose. For that moment, Yae Na imagined what it must be like for Sung Gyu everyday.

Howon called Sung Gyu on their way, who immediately picked up (unlike with Yae Na who was always screened, which made her a little upset) and was soon informed of where they were headed to.

“Where are you now?” Howon asked him, his voice echoing in the quiet interior as his hand gripped the wheel so hard.

“I just left the forensic lab, got the report” Sung Gyu’s clear authoritative voice filled inside and Yae Na had to remind herself a million times that she was in a place where she wasn’t supposed to be. “Where are you?”

“Heading towards Jung Gu. The lorry was last spotted in Noksapyeong, he’s on the run”

“Right” Sung Gyu returned. And then, making her heart stop for a second. “And Yae Na?”

Howon immediately glanced at her and vigorously shook his head. “I sent her home”

“Was she alright?”

She couldn’t help but press her hand on her lips to stop herself.

“Yeah she was doing much better”

Howon was lying right through his teeth, but what could she do?

“Right, right, okay” Sung Gyu agreed, and she could almost imagine him nodding his head.

“Hyung, where are you going now?”

“Me?” Sung Gyu returned. “Well, I’m headed on your way, we’ve got to catch that asshole-,”

“No!” Yae Na’s voice exploded before she could stop herself. That was what it was, then, Sung Gyu would come over, Sung Gyu would divert his route and head on this way. The car chase, and then he-

As soon as Yae Na exclaimed, however, Howon leaned over and cut the call.

“What the fuck Yae Na?”

She wasn’t listening, of course she wasn’t. She had to stop him coming there, he had to stop him _somehow._ She reached for her phone then, and with trembling hands she dialed his number. The user was busy, it said. She just about threw her phone out the window when Howon’s phone rang again, Sung Gyu’s name appearing on the display.

“Great, fantastic! Now we’re both dead, Yae Na”

“Please” She mumbled, shaking. “Please, please tell him not to come, please”

“You need to shut up now, we’ve already fucked up”

“Howon, tell him not to come-!”

“Really” Howon sighed, on the edge of his patience now. “Please stay quiet, I’m begging you”

Howon’s phone stopped ringing, then Yae Na’s started. But all before she could pick up the call, he reached out, screened it and tossed it to the backseat. The scream that Yae Na let out at that moment was deafening.

“What the hell are you doing? You will kill him!” She cried pressing her hands on her face. After all she’d done, after every big and little thing that she’d done to save him, after everything-

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Yae Na? Do you realise that you’re disrupting something important?”

Yae Na hardly heard what he was saying as she tried to reach the back seat, fetch her phone again. Howon caught her with one arm, trying to keep her in place when his phone rang again.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck”

“Officer Lee” A voice echoed inside the car. “We’ve got him, look ahead”

Yae Na stopped fighting, Howon’s hand came off her arm, and they both looked ahead of them as Howon picked up speed. The road was leading into a thick green forest, the air getting colder, road getting darker. And right in front of the trail of police vehicles was a small medical lorry, a red cross on the back of its white surface.

“Overtake” Howon said as he pressed harder on the paddle, the car now going way past the speed limits. Yae Na’s vision was becoming blurry, her head pounding. All she could see were lights, lots of lights trailing one another, the lorry going at full speed maintaining a large gap between them, not once allowing the police cars pass through and take over its path.

“For fuck’s sake” Howon cussed under his breath. “Call the next police checkpoint, we need more back up”

The next few minutes felt like the longest time in her life. It all passed in a haze, her mind in shambles, continuously looking at her phone on the back seat, the lorry up front and crying. She couldn’t tell where they were anymore, except that they’ve entered a long, endless road, driving fast ahead. Howon was speaking, yelling cursing, all of which passed through her head in a blur. All she could think about was Sung Gyu; Where was he? What was he doing now? Did he know that she was there? Did she do a mistake then, tagging along?

Is this the same way that it happened the previous time when she was in the ER? How did Sung Gyu come in the picture of the car chase?

There had to be eight to ten police vehicles following the lorry at that point, so many voices echoing inside Howon’s car. So many lights, blue and red and white, blinding her, the sirens so loud and deafening. She prayed, her hands pressed to her lips, closing her eyes whenever she could. _Please_ , she called Sung Gyu in her mind. _Please don’t._

“I can see him!” Howon called out, to the phone or to himself, she couldn’t tell. He was right, the Lorry was just right ahead, its massive red cross glimmering in the headlights of all the cars like a beaconing. They were close, so close now, so close.

“Come on, overtake it, come on”

The lorry pulled to the right, blocking the path before it picked up pace again, moving forward so fast, getting away as the gap grew bigger.

“Overtake! Block the next exit!” Howon barked out loud.

A white police car pulled in before them, heading forward to overtake as ordered, but that too slowly lost its pace, then another as the gap between the lorry and the car grew bigger and bigger.

From the sky, unbeknownst to her, specks of cold white snow began to fall.

Her phone had stopped ringing by them, lying dead and dark on the back seat. She tried to reach for it again, but then gave up trying. There was no point calling him anymore. For some reason, Yae Na was certain, Sung Gyu would have joined the car chase by now. All she could do was pray, pray for him, pray to god that he wouldn’t make a rash decision right now. She looked behind them, and through her blurry eyes, all she could see were police cars and nothing else. There wasn’t a sight of Sung Gyu’s jeep. Then where was he?

Did he not join the chase after all?

“Block it! Block the exit!” Howon’s voice echoed again, and right before her eyes, they were beginning to loose the sight of the lorry.

It all happened in a second then; like they say, it took only a second for her whole life to change. The lorry reached the exit, they could see very clearly from the distance that it had. But it couldn’t go too far as another vehicle, large, black, warrior-like emerged from the same exit in a flash. Howon slowed down, the entire world slowed down for her, and Yae Na knew.

The black jeep collided into the oncoming lorry in such a fast speed that the pressure sent it flying. The lorry was thrown to a side, hitting the railing in a crash so loud akin to thunder. The jeep flipped over and slid across the asphalt, sparks flying where the roof hit the ground. Everything fell silent, except for Yae Na who was mindless, senseless as she screamed.

“No, no, no, no, no…” Howon whispered, the gravity of the moment taking long to hit him, then he too lost his mind. “Sung Gyu Hyung!! No!”

Sung Gyu’s jeep remained still as a ghost, flipped over, its wheels still turning up in the air. Police cars have stopped, doors opened, officers filed out. She was frozen in the moment for the longest time.

It took only a second then, perhaps two.

Then the jeep, a fallen warrior, exploded, catching a demonic, glazing fire.

Yae Na could only remember the angry flames rising up to the dark grim sky, then snowflakes, so many of them, peacefully descend from up above.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

**13 th December 2019**

**-Or the day after Kim Yae Na’s entire world fell apart right before her eyes.**

Yelling, lots of it. They were ringing in her ears, incessant and so loud. Yae Na opened one eye, then the other as she clutched her head. Bright morning sunlight was greeting her, and her mind, slowly, adjusted to her new surrounding. Her dogs were barking again. She was in her room again, she was in her bed. Kim Yae Na felt like she’d woken up from a cruel, cruel dream. Hurriedly, she reached for her phone again. Her hands were trembling, her head so heavy. The time was barely past seven in the morning, and the date was-

**12 th December, 2019**

**-Or the day that Kim Yae Na decided to make a sacrifice.**

It had happened again, the loop had continued. She had come back to square one; despite all her good efforts, Yae Na had come back to right where it started.

This time around, she was rather calm and composed. She knew what was happening now; living the same day again and again and again. Sung Gyu was still alive, a murderer was still on loose. Outside her room, in her kitchen was a strange mean cat hissing at her two dogs from the counter top. It was winter outside, the time still barely past seven. Everything was calm. It was 12th of December 2019 again.

For a moment, Yae Na remained in her bed, trying to recollect her thoughts. She wasn’t sure how exactly the time loop worked, and what needed to be done for her to get out of it. She’d imagined she’d done everything right the previous day. She avoided the call, she changed little details of the morning, she avoided the cat scratch, hence the ER.

But still, she had to watch, from a very close distance, close but too far away to reach, as the love of her life was swallowed by a raging fire, taking his life.

The shock was still a fresh wound in her heart, and as all large, festering fresh wounds would, it had made her numb. She couldn’t cry, she couldn’t even feel pain. She could only recall that moment again and again in her mind; how the jeep pulled in from the wrong direction, how it blocked the lorry’s way from escaping, how Sung Gyu, unknowingly so sacrificed himself to save another life.

Yae Na was certain, he hadn’t done that with the intention of dying. It must have been impulsive, badly calculated, and he certainly was not realizing what the consequences would be. Yae Na was certain that he’d only intended to block the lorry’s way. Everything that happened afterwards was just cruel, unfair coincidence, a sick and vicious twist of fate. Sung Gyu would have never done that to her. But prompted by his desire to save her and many more women like her, he’d given his life to it.

‘ _They’re all_ _someone’s Yae Na’_ Yae Na recalled Howon’s exact words in her mind. That’s exactly the kind of thing that the Sung Gyu she knew and loved would say. Driving into block an escaping criminal was just exactly the kind of thing that he would do. When she come to think of it now, no matter what she did, she wouldn’t have stopped him from doing that. But only…

She covered her face with both her hands in realization.

The very first time line, the first snow. In her second and certainly the third timeline, the accident happened in the time of first snow of the year, whereas in their very first time line, by the time of first snow, he was only leaving the cafe after their break up. The accident didn’t happen at that time. Only their break up happened, only their marriage ended, but she did, certainly, save his life.

So did that mean then, in order to save Sung Gyu’s life, to keep him from going away from her forever, she had to break up with him? End their marriage?

End of a marriage in return of a life?

Yae Na felt bile rising up her throat. How cruel, how revolting. God truly wasn’t so kind to her then. God was just vicious.

With a deep breath, she climbed out of bed and looked at her phone again. Yae Na would decide later how the rest of the day would roll out. For now, she would get the easier parts of the day out of her way.

She still couldn’t be too sure, no matter how many times it had happened. So she opened different apps to check the day again and again to clarify. In her Kakao inbox with Sung Gyu, the same message remained, fresh as new. It certainly was new. When she come to think of it, in this reality, he had sent it just hours ago. He must have returned home, exhausted and heavy hearted because of a case that was taking all his good energy away, and with the hopes of searching for comfort from her he must have sent that message, just as he always did. Yae Na realized then, that, all the other times, she never got to reply to it. She would make that slightest difference this time around. She would reply to him, although the fit-on, and even the wedding, felt to be million years away.

‘ _Good morning, I fell asleep yesterday. The fit on was fine. Did you eat?’_

Yae Na left her phone on the nightstand and climbed up on her feet. The dogs were still barking. She had a cat to chase away, and much to her chagrin, a wound to acquire. Yae Na was going to follow the timeline as exactly as it was the first time. She would do everything as she did on the very first 12th of December, she would break up, call the marriage off and see how things would change this time around.

She allowed everything from that morning to follow the exact same sequence as the very first twelfth of December. She let the nasty cat scratch her, she picked up Lisa’s call and told her that the nasty cat had scratched her. She had Lisa to treat it, she vented her frustrations of her wedding, her laws and about Sung Gyu as much she remembered how she’d done the first time. Although it probably wasn’t exactly accurate, the sequence of the major events weren’t deviated from the original timeline. She went to class, gave the kids their homework, warned them about their nearing test and left school on a half-day leave. She came to the hair appointment on time, sat in the same plush chair and Sung Jong went-

“Miss Bride-to-be, What would you like for your hair today?”

And she went-

“What would look good, Sung Jong-Ssi?”

And he went- like “chicken wing chicken wing, hotdog and baloney, chicken and macaroni”

“Well…Lets keep the length. Some long bangs and straightening would look great on you” While he dramatically played with her hair. F or the next few minutes he snipped and snapped and her hair fell like a dry rain by his feet. Yae Na looked at the message that she’d sent which still had no response. Unlike the last time, she couldn’t even get mad at him, for Yae Na now knew exactly what was going on in his life.

“Did Sung Gyu oppa come around recently?” She asked him at some point, to which he replied

“Sung Gyu Hyung? No, not really...although I called him a while back, he said he was busy and we couldn’t really talk”

And their conversations fell through at that point while he did her hair away.

With freshly straightened hair and new bangs, she went to the florist, determined to follow the same sequence even though that meant she had to listen to her mother in law’s senseless complaints. This time around, even as she went on her with her rather silly explanation, Yae Na couldn’t even begin to get upset. She already knew what flower it was, so what her mother in law say didn’t really matter. Yet, she went with that original choice of minimal flowers and more silk and lightening decor. As evening approached, however, she was beginning to lose her mind.

Breaking up the last time wasn’t as difficult as it was to stage it. The first time, she had all the intention to do so, fired and wired up by everything that preceded to ultimately end their marriage, This time around, however, it was particularly difficult, for she did not, by any means, want to break up with him. Yae Na loved Sung Gyu beyond words and above all Yae Na knew why Sung Gyu had been disengaged, distracted, staying away. It broke her heart, not wanting to leave him at exactly the time he wanted comfort the most. But she also knew what she had to do. It was the only way, perhaps, to break the cycle and save his life. Even if they break up tonight, they could probably get back together again. They have done that once or twice before; and as painful as fall-outs in a relationship could be, she’d rather face a breakup that lose the man she loved forever.

But when she first called Sung Gyu (the call that would get screened) Yae Na didn’t know what to tell him. She had no anger now, certainly no resentment. The only frustration she would have right now was this evening and how the day would go. Yae Na was certain, the moment she’d hear his voice, after last night’s events, she wouldn’t be able to hold back.

She had to go forth with it, still, for, if the call ended on a positive note, she knew by experience, things wouldn’t go the right way. It had to be a call filled of anger, a call driven towards dispute. Yae Na was no actress, of course. But what else could she do?

Sung Gyu picked up the second time she called him.

“Yae Na, I’m in the middle of work, what is it?”

For a second, she was in a complete daze. No matter how many times she lived trough this, Yae Na had had him dying on her too many times now that whenever she’d hear his voice, well and alive, destroys a large part of her. She didn’t want to let him go, not this way, not ever.

Yae Na closed her eyes and pulled herself together.

“Are you free tonight?”

There was a beat of silence, and Yae Na gripped the steering wheel, hard.

“Free tonight?” Sung Gyu’s voice filled in the quietness in a skeptical tone. “Yae Na, tonight is difficult, it will be difficult for a while and you know that-,”

“Please” She muttered to him pleadingly, trying her best to keep her voice from breaking. “Lets have dinner tonight”

It was quiet for a second, and this time she heard it quite clearly, him telling in the background ‘give me a second’. There was the usual mingle of the police station that she recognised now, then the sound of his hurried footsteps.

“What is it? Is everything okay?”

Yae Na took a deep breath and closed her eyes. _What his voice was doing to her_. She wanted to see him again, bury her face against his chest and listen to the beating of his heart, to reassure herself that this wasn’t real, none of it was.

“You know I don’t have a lot of time-,” Sung Gyu’s voice cut into her thoughts.

“Tonight, I’ll tell you tonight” Yae Na ventured out through an unmistakable sob.

“Okay” He let out a heavy sigh. “Where do I come to?”

“I’ll come there. I’ll come to you-,”

“No” He exclaimed in the same fervor that he did before. Although it had baffled her the last time, she knew now why he didn’t want her to come to him. He took a sharp breath.

“Just...just be there at the cafe next to Sung Jong’s...I’ll come”

“Okay” Yae Na whispered, closing her eyes. “I’ll come”

The evening was quite bright yet chilly as she parked the car by the cafe next to Sung Jong's; a small, cozy, brightly lit place which didn’t exactly have the vibes for a possible, cruel break up. The two of them have visited the cafe together and they also knew the Barista who used to work back then. If it was in different, much friendlier circumstances, the two of them would have had a nice comfortable evening together, perhaps watch the snow together later in the night as well. But Yae Na knew that was just wishful thinking. Sung Gyu wouldn’t come if not for the anguish in Yae Na’s voice during the call. Had she sounded cheerful, or simply how she’d usually sound, he’d tell her that he’d call her later and eventually, how the night could go, he wouldn’t call at all. And she was too afraid to let the night go any differently from the very first time, lest it led on a different direction as the previous two nights did.

Yae Na had to make up her mind.

The wait of three hours felt like three years for her. She imagined, during that time he would return from Haebangchon, go to the Yongsan station, and since she wouldn’t be going there today he would probably be working with Howon, trying to track doctor Yoon’s whereabouts until he received the call from the forensics lab. He would be going there then, and his time at the lab would approximate to one and a half hours, she guessed. Tonight, having heard the anguish of her voice, just like he’d done the very first time, Sung Gyu wouldn’t go to Noksapyeong. He would come to her instead.

With that flicker of hope in her heart, Yae Na waited and waited and waited, however long it would take. People came and went, the entrance door opening and closing again as Yae Na lifted her head hopefully, wondering if it was him. Outside the vast glass panel, the street was still quite busy for a cold winter evening. Sky gradually turned from blue to Grey to lavender as night slowly fell. It felt like years had passed before the entrance door shrilled again, and Sung Gyu emerged, tired and disheveled before he headed towards her.

He was in the same dark suit she’d seen him in for the past few days; she was tired of seeing it for all the good reasons, yet he was still breathtaking for her. His hair was a mess, around his eyes were creases of sleeplessness and exhaustion. For a moment, all Yae Na wanted to do was leap forward and hold him in her arms.

Yet, with her lips pressed tight, brows in a frown, she held her place. She was there to break up with him, and she might as well act the part now.

“Hey, Sorry I’m late” He said as he slipped into the chair opposite hers. He then scanned the empty table which had nothing but the complimentary glass of water on it. “Didn’t you have anything while you waited?”

Yae Na continued to keep her lips tightened, continued to look away. It was getting quite difficult for her; the concern in his voice, the mere sound of his words. Having him dying on her on and on two times straight, seeing him like this was too overwhelming for her.

“I don’t have long so I wouldn’t have anything. What should I get for you? A coffee?”

Yae Na pursed her lips. Her eyes were already welled up, blurring her vision. And before she could even stop herself, she was sobbing. She had started crying again, which was certainly not a good start.

Sung Gyu was quiet for a moment, but it was certain that he’d seen her sudden emotional outburst. Yae Na sobbed hard, wiping her eyes with the back of her sleeve. As she set her hand hand down on the table, then, she felt his cold fingers wrapping around her wrist. It was the arm that was bandaged after the cat attack. Out of all the times where the cat attack did happen, this had to be the first where he was seeing it.

“Yae Na…” He called her, his voice so warm, so tender, and his fingers slowly ran across the bandaged wound. And that did it for her, he set the flood gates open again, but this time, it wasn’t the same as the other. Yae Na started to cry harder, her whimpers quiet yet her chest tightening, all the frustrations from the past three days coming at her like a storm.

“Yae Na...oh, Yae Na, sweetheart…”

Sung Gyu was still holding her hand as he climbed up and came around the table towards her. She was still crying, harder and harder. She found comfort again, only when he moved closer and hugged her against his waist.

“Ssh….now, now, it’s okay...it’s okay”

_It wasn’t okay_. Yae Na wanted to tell him, and she would have too, if what she’d gone through made any sense. Nothing was okay, everything was a mess. Her life was in a standstill as she went through the same day again and again. She felt cursed, miserable, having to see him dying twice when there was nothing she could do about it. Right now, all Yae Na could do was cry, nothing more.

Yae Na wasn’t sure how long she cried for, but she did remember how he comforted her at that time. He pulled a chair closer to her, sat beside her and held her for the longest time, and Yae Na cried into his shoulder, breaking into endless sobs again and again. His jacket was stained of her tears, yet in her breath was that sweet scent of him that was gave her the comfort she needed. _He was still here_ , she continued to remind herself. _Right here with me, holding me. He was still here._

He kissed her on her head, ran his hand though her hair and even examined the wound, gently running his fingers upon it, all the while not asking her anything at all until she was calm enough to respond. She took a while, still. Yae Na didn’t imagine she’d held in so much until she’d broken apart. Once she did gain her composure, Sung Gyu ordered her sweet chamomile tea, and held her hand the entire time until she was ready to speak again.

Yae Na had a sip of her tea while it was still warm, its pleasant scent filling her nostrils, making her feel calm again.

“Are you better now?” Sung Gyu asked her as he tenderly pushed stray strands of hair off her face.

Yae Na quietly nodded, staring at the steam of her tea.

“Do you think you’ll be able to tell me what happened?”

As he was asking this he was also rubbing her fingers of the injured hand, which made her smile. Sung Gyu was just like his mother, sometimes, imagining the worst case scenario.

“This?” She asked, lifting her hand.

“Hm” He nodded, and she could see, by the corner of her eyes, that he was cautiously gazing at her. “It’s-its not what I thing it is, is it?”

Yae Na did see that the wound was on a questionable place on her wrist but she didn’t think that far. Yet, it was understandable. The first thing she’d done upon seeing him was breaking into tears and on top of it all she had a bandaged wrist. What else could he have thought?

Yae Na shook her head. “It’s not what you think”

“Okay” He let out a sigh of relief. “What happened then?”

“It’s a long story…” Yae Na said before she could stop herself. She had come here to break up with him tonight, but what she really wanted to do was tell him everything, whether he would believe her or not. What’s the worst that could happen? He simply would not believe her. At least, it would keep him longer, perhaps longer past the time of first snow.

Sung Gyu seemed to contemplate it for a second. “Is there a shorter version?”

The way he worded it, despite its sense, cracked her up. Yae Na leaned against his shoulder and closed her eyes. His hand lifted to her head then, caressing her gently, and her breathing became even, head felt lighter.

Sung Gyu’s phone suddenly started to ring. Yae Na opened her eyes. It was him, she’s sure. Its right about time now. Doctor Yoon’s on the run.

Sung Gyu, much to her surprise, then, picked up the phone, glanced at the display and let it vibrate on the table, Howon’s name flashing on the screen. Yae Na looked at it, then up at him who, without a doubt, was in the predicament of choosing between her and work.

Right now, Yae Na would give anything to make him pick her. Any other time, she would have been fine, absolutely fine. But not tonight.

“Please don’t…” She whispered, grasping onto his hand.

“Sweetheart” He muttered, meeting her gaze. “It’s work, and it’s important”

And Yae Na, too, understood this. She thought about it for a second as Howon’s name blinked and blinked and blinked.

“But you can’t leave me…” She mumbled to him. _Please_. She added in her mind. _I’m doing this for you._

“Okay” Sung Gyu finally gave in, and Yae Na moved away, giving him room as he picked up the phone.

She could hear Howon’s voice, although quite lowly, from the phone. Their conversation would go differently now, since Yae Na wasn’t in Howon’s car, she was in Sung Gyu’s arms.

“Is that so?” Sung Gyu answered, uncertainty in his voice. “Get all the checkpoints to track him down, Howon”

Doctor Yoon was on the run now, and Sung Gyu was right there, with her.

“Yes, yes I have it…” He glanced over at her and Yae Na quickly looked away, pretending to know nothing about it. “We were right” Sung Gyu now replied an octave lower. “Fentanyl in the system, ten times the dosage”

Recalling everything that Howon had told her, Yae Na’s stomach began to turn. She swallowed her tea, trying not to listen anymore to the call, allowing the sweet, warm beverage sooth the burn in her heart.

“Me? I’m having an emergency. I’ll come in later tonight”

“It’s Yae Na….yes, yeah she’s with me. Yes, she’ll be fine”

A heavy sigh then, and he pressed his fingers on his brows. “Okay, tell me how it goes”

The call ended with no farewells but a grim expression on his face. Yae Na could only imagine how his frustration must be. To be so close to the end but so far away. Would he leave now, Yae Na was certain, he’d end up making the same rash decision that he had the last two times. And she couldn’t let that happen again.

“Was it Howon?” Yae Na asked him, just to appear interested despite knowing everything, beginning to end.

“Yes it was”

“Is it still about that case?”

She still had to play the part of being innocent, oblivious. For Yae Na, it wasn’t easy, but Sung Gyu was distracted that he wasn’t exactly noticing it that she knew.

“It was about the case” He replied distractedly and returned to examine her hand. “What happened here? How did you get it?” He skillfully changed the topic

“A cat scratched me, a stray cat” Yae Na responded sincerely.

“A cat?” Sung Gyu reiterated as if for clarification.

“Yeah, a nasty cat who sneaked into the house and…” Yae Na, as briefly as she could, told him about the cat and the dogs and Lisa treating the wound, all the while as he held her hand. He nodded, nodded and nodded, yet he wasn’t convinced.

“Shouldn’t you get the shots for that?” He asked at the end of her account.

“Would tomorrow be too late for that?” She asked him. Yae Na wasn’t sure if there will even be a tomorrow, seeing how warped her time had become. But she could hope.

“Hopefully you wouldn’t be growling like a cat by then”

Yae Na laughed, and he only smiled at her as he closely scanned her face.

“I’m guessing it’s not the only thing that’s bothering you” Sung Gyu asked her gently in the end and entwined his fingers with hers. “Is it...is it the wedding, Yae Na?”

“A bit” She muttered, followed by a quiet sob.

“Then what else?”

His voice so gentle, so patient, that for a second she contemplated telling him everything.

Yet, as she couldn’t tell him all in detail, since, even if she did he wouldn’t understand, she tried to tell him in the best way she could.

“I just can’t...” She replied.

“You can’t what…?”

She pressed her lips together and remained quiet.

“Okay” Sung Gyu let out a heavy sigh. “Looks like you’ve had a rough day, so why don’t we just go home and-,”

“No!” Yae Na exclaimed, perhaps quite too loudly than she imagined that it immediately quietened him out of surprise.

“Yae Na-,”

But she wasn’t going to stop there. She wasn’t about to lose Sung Gyu a third time. “If I go home, you will go back oppa, and if you go back…” in her mind, she added as she trailed off. _You will die_

“I can’t just _not_ go back, there’s a criminal out there and I can’t just sit and wait” He replied as patiently as he could.

“That’s what the police is for!” Yae Na replied, her voice rough, unyielding. “That’s what Howon is for. And all these days I hardly ever saw you because all you’ve been doing is work”

Sung Gyu gave her a grave look. “Is that what you’re upset about?”

“Isn’t that enough to be upset about?”

He stared at her for a couple of minutes and sighed. “Jesus, Yae Na-,”

“I know its important for you” Yae Na continued tearfully. “But this-,” She gestured between them. “This is important for me, _you’re_ important for me!”

“You do see that things would get difficult at some point, don’t you?” He asked her, his voice grave, resilient. “And as much as this” He gestured between them, “Is important, so is my occupation for me”

“That’s not all there for life, Oppa” She sighed.

“Maybe so” He went on, not budging once. “But right now, that _is_ all there for _my_ life. It’s all I’ve worked so hard for, and I’ve come so close, Yae Na, so damn close, and if I wouldn’t-,”

“Even if that puts your life at risk?” Yae Na pushed on, recalling that moment when his jeep flipped, the tires turned, the moment her whole world fell apart.

Sung Gyu seemed to take a second to mull it over, and replied. “If that’s what it takes”

Yae Na remembered Howon’s words very clearly. It wasn’t all about his occupation or responsibility. If anything, it was the way that he’d seen the victims in his perspective, the way that he’d thought as far as it could have been her, Yae Na too that would lie cold and dead on a bench in the forensic lab, taken by a monster for doing no wrong but simply existing. And Yae Na understood him too. At least she tried to. But every time the image of his jeep swallowed in flames appeared in her mind, every time she recalled Howon’s voice, the pain, the remorse, the way that it had stabbed and twisted in her heart, it killed her time and time again. Of course, right now even though Sung Gyu was speaking his mind out, he didn’t know, he really didn’t know. If only he knew what she’d had to live through for the past two days, dying million times inside.

“Sung Gyu oppa...I had a bad dream” Yae Na finally told him. It was the only way that she could convey it to him, to make him understand how it would be like for her.

Sung Gyu remained quiet, for Yae Na had had so many dreams before; about her parents, the accident that took their lives, so he understood.

“I saw you...and you were-you were chasing this criminal and you make a very bad decision and I…” She couldn’t help falling apart yet again, pressing her palms upon her eyes. “It killed me even then, even though its a dream, the thought of even losing you, it killed me….do you know what it feels like?”

Sung Gyu pursed his lips, his eyes cold and distant, his lips unsmiling. For a moment, Yae Na wondered how the warmth and affection he’d given her had suddenly dissolved, leaving this cold, terrifying version of him. “I know exactly what it feels like” He told her then, and she could see how his lower lip trembled. He was holding in so much. “Because every day, I see another dead girl. Every day, I’m terrified that it’s-,” He paused at that point and took a deep breath. “they don’t stop Yae Na. These killers, they never do, unless we stop them”

“But I don’t…” She whispered, her voice shaking. “I don’t want to lose you”

He gazed back at her, then, his eyes glistening, with anger and resentment and everything that he struggled to put into words, he only gazed back at her.

Sung Gyu’s phone rang again, vibrating against the wooden table on and on like a beaconing. This time, he didn’t stop. His face was grim as he picked it up and turned away.

“Okay…” Sung Gyu muttered, and by the tone of his voice, Yae Na could almost guess what it could be. “Just...just search all over Jung Gu, inform all the local police stations...we can’t let him get away”

_Doctor Yoon_. She realized, as Sung Gyu finally put down the phone. She looked outside the glass panel, and she could see it, clearly well. The first snow had begun to fall, and tonight, Sung Gyu was still with her.

“I’ve got to go” He told her, finally getting up on his feet. “And Yae Na, please go home now. Have dinner, go to sleep. We’ll talk again when you feel better”

Yae Na was hardly hearing him at that point. She reached out to his hand, her eyes still set on the falling snow, an indescribable amount of relief easing into her heart. Yae Na could finally breath again.

“It’s the first snow” She whispered, mostly to herself. It felt like the first snow had more significance than it initially did. Now its a sign of loss, a sign of life.

“Yae Na” Sung Gyu called yet again, and she finally turned back to him. She knew she shouldn’t be smiling right now. But success would always make one smile.

“Did you lose him?” She asked before she could even stop herself.

“Did I lose who?”

“That man” Yae Na replied, realizing what she’d done wrong. “The-the-”

“Yes we did” Sung Gyu sighed, and it was evident he was livid when he took his hand away from hers. “He got away, thanks to you. And I don’t think it’s something to be so happy about”

Despite what he said, however, Yae Na was, quite wrongly so, happy about the turn that it took. At least they were able to evade the car chase, which would have changed everything. At least she had him with her at the time of the first snow. As bad as she felt about letting a criminal go on lose, letting Sung Gyu do what he would have done wasn’t the answer. They’d find him, somehow. People who do wrong would always be punished for what they’ve done. What was important was that Yae Na finally, after two days of trying, had managed to save his life.

She was in quite a good mood even after she returned home. Of course, there was a gnawing feeling inside her, a flicker of anxiety over how the rest of the day would be, and if that was really the end of the time loop. She had this strong feeling that she may have solved the puzzle, gotten _out_ of the time loop. Her quest was to save her fiance and save her marriage, was it not? Was it not what god expected her to achieve?

She returned home to her two excited dogs who trailed after her wherever she went across the house. Yae Na was too exhilarated that her stomach churned even at the thought of food. So she cleaned up, turned on the heaters and switched the lights off. Although she hit the bed early, sleep just wasn’t coming to her. She realized, she was just afraid that, if she’d close her eyes now, she’d open them yet again to the very same nightmare. So Yae Na spent half the night, tossing and turning on the bed, just thinking. She thought about herself, her life and the strange turn of events that had brought her here and how? And why? Then she thought about how none of these questions had answers. Then she thought about Sung Gyu, about their wedding and how there wouldn’t even be one if she lived in the time loop forever.

What if she had to keep saving Sung Gyu’s life again and again and again for the rest of her life? How could she stop this miserable curse? Or had she already, by saving both her marriage and Sung Gyu tonight? Was her marriage even saved? With what happened today, would Sung Gyu even want to marry her anymore?

Through and through her endless thoughts, sleep eventually came to her. Hours had passed and it was so deep into the night then, perhaps even into the next day. Her eyes were drooping, her mind oscillating between consciousness and unconsciousness, as she finally fell in peace. In a distant, however, Yae Na heard a familiar sound. She’d initially thought it was just in her mind, the sound of her apartment unlocking, the two beeps, the sound of her lock coming off and the two beeps again when it closed. Then there were footsteps, footsteps of someone who walked heavily, carrying the weight of the world. They were closer and closer, followed by the excited sound of dog paws across the linoleum. The sound was in her room then, and in her bare consciousness she heard the rustle of clothes and tinkle of a belt. Yae Na finally fluttered open her eyes, narrowing them as her sight blurred. It took a while for her to register what she was seeing. Who, rather. It was Sung Gyu’s tall, lean silhouette standing in the dark of her room, his coat and jacket undone, laid on top of her own clothes piled on a chair as he stood there, quietly unbuckling his belt.

“Oppa?” Yae Na croaked out, her voice heavy with sleep.

Sung Gyu paused what he was doing and looked over at her. “Did I wake you?”

Yae Na sat up, supporting herself with her elbows. She shook her head. “What are you doing here?”

“Nothing” Sung Gyu shook his head and approached her bed. The entire world had fallen asleep by that time. And when Sung Gyu came to her and sat on the bed to her left, Yae Na wondered if she was still in a dream. “I just wanted to apologize”

“Apologize?” Yae Na blinked, confused.

“For tonight” He sighed, reached out and fixed her hair. “I’m really sorry, Yae Na...I was being rather insensitive weren’t I?”

“It’s okay” Yae Na muttered in response, taking the hand that was on her face in her own.

“It isn’t” Sung Gyu shook his head. “I shouldn’t have said certain things…” He chewed his lower lip. “I just wasn’t thinking through. I must have been very impulsive”

“Impulsive is something you seem to do often now” Yae Na replied sleepily, recalling the events of the past two days.

“Don’t I?” Sung Gyu laughed nervously, entangling their fingers together.

“Hm” Yae Na nodded agreeingly, which made him laugh. Silence ensued afterwards, during which Sung Gyu gazed down their hands resting on her lap, their fingers entwined. He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb.

“Yae Na, are you mad at me?” He wanted to know.

“I’m livid” Yae Na replied despite exactly how she felt. If she was to be completely honest, there was not a flicker of anger in her heart towards him. She was happy, indescribably so, to have him here in her home, on her bed, holding her hand.

“You _are_ ” Sung Gyu repeated raising his brows and slowly, he removed the covers off her. Yae Na’s heart picked up pace, watching him as he reached over and turned on the lamp on her side table. The dull yellow light soon eliminated the entire room, its shine reflecting in his eyes, making them appear very, very brown. He moved closer to her, and she could see a small, playful smile on his lips.

“Then...what can I do to make it up to you, Kim Yae Na?” He whispered, making her hairs rise up, and the hand that held hers slowly moved upwards as he pressed them down together beside her head. Yae Na’s mind was empty, her heart stopped beating. For the first time in days, Yae Na was acutely aware of her surrounding, the sound of the clocks, the howl of the wind, Sung Gyu’s warmth, Sung Gyu’s eyes, Sung Gyu’s touch, Sung Gyu’s smile.

Yae Na took a shallow breath, then another as he moved closer and closer towards her. She didn’t close her eyes, she _couldn’t_. This was never in any of their previous timelines, And so, she wanted to see it all.

It was her who moved first as time seemed to go too slow for her. She slid both her arms around his neck, buried her fingers in his hair, and then he kissed her. Slow and tender in the beginning, he was almost unsure, questioning her quietly, testing her. She hadn’t closed her eyes even then, nor had he. She could see the brown of his eyes so well like small pools of amber, so beautiful, so close. He nipped and tugged at her lips, showering her with small, sensual butterfly kisses. When she moved her hand down his waist, feeling his warm skin over his shirt, Sung Gyu slowly climbed upon the bed, straddling her, and cradled her head in his arms.

“Are you still mad at me?” He asked pulling away from her lips at one point, his voice merely a whisper and breathless.

“I am” Yae Na whispered, tracing the shape of his lips.

“Then I guess I have no choice” He whispered back, smiling, before he buried his face in her neck. Yae Na closed her eyes, massaging his scalp with her fingers, encouraging him more and more. He kissed her, down her neck, on her collarbones, along her jaw and downwards, all the while as his hand fondled her breasts. He didn’t say a word after then, not even as she fumbled with his shirt, not even as his clothes came undone. He wasn’t saying a word when he undressed her, when he laid her down and kissed her softly, tenderly, lovingly, his fingers feeling her, his lips tasting her skin. As the night grew darker and as the whole world was painted in a fine layer of white outside, Sung Gyu told her that he loved her, many, many times, and showed her that he did in all the right ways he knew.


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

**13 th December 2019**

**-Or the day after everything fell back into place again**

Bliss. That’s all Yae Na felt when she woke up the next morning, reclining in bed as the sun greeted her with warm, white light. The curtain was barely open, her covers still warm. She reached out a hand across her bed, feeling, feeling something, reaching out to someone, then she stopped. Yae Na opened her eyes and abruptly sat up, her heart beating so hard. There was no Sung Gyu beside her, Sung Gyu that she had gone to sleep with even into the dawn of the day, him holding her warmly in his arms. That side of her bed wasn’t even crumpled, pillows and sheets all in place. She noticed her extended arm then, which should be bandaged and should have been bare, just as the rest of herself should be. But she wasn’t. She was still in her pajamas, her arm all and well. In a distance, yet so loud, she could hear the endless barks of her dogs.

Hurriedly, cursing in her mind, Yae Na reached for her phone again. A single text from Sung Gyu remained in her notifications, and when she looked at the date again-,

“Ah fuck”

**12 th December 2019**

**-Or the day that Kim Yae Na decided not to give a fuck...or alternatively, give a lot of fucks**

Yae Na was on the verge of insanity. Any moment now, she would run out of her mind. The time loop had continued, regardless of everything she’d done. It had continued, regardless of her doing all the right things. She didn’t know what caused this crazy warped up time or what else she could possibly do to stop it now. If it was going to go on forever, if she was going to do the same things again and again, saving his life or breaking up or fighting or whatever again and again, what’s even the point of trying?

So Yae Na, this time around, decided not to give a fuck. She would mess up the timeline completely, she would do whatever she pleased. And at the end of the day, she would put herself out there in place of Sung Gyu. If there was one way to stop this damned curse, it had to be by taking the curse with her, wouldn’t it?

“Fuck it” She growled to herself, hopped off her bed and stomped her way to the kitchen. The damned cat was on top of her kitchen counter, bearing its dirty sharp teeth. Her dogs went on barking like they were wounded up bears. Yae Na pushed them away from the counter, not too harsh but strongly enough to pull them away and approached the nasty cat. Then without a second thought she reached out to grab it by its nasty little paws.

“Come on you fucking little monster” She cursed under her breath. “Hurt me all you want”

And it did, as if it understood what she said. The cat launched at her, and instead of that one large cut down her wrist, the cat grabbed her with both its paws, battling her off like the little monster it was. The pain shot right through her as its claws sunk deep into her skin before her natural instincts kicked in. With her other hand she grabbed it by its darkened dirty fur and pulled it off herself before it, as always, slid out of the open window.

The cat had destroyed her. She didn’t realise it before, but now as she stared at her hand, her skin ripped in so many places, she couldn’t believe she had done that to herself. But that was fine. If this is going to happen every passing day of her life, she might as well go all the way. The cuts were deeper, blood dripping down her pale skin, staining her sleeve and the linoleum floor. Her arm was shaking, her whole body was shaking. She slid down to the ground, her back to the cupboards as her dogs huddled around her. The world was a complete mess now, and she didn’t want to be here anymore. In the background, her phone started to ring, and Yae Na, for the first time in her life, started to despise Lisa and her calls. She stared at her bloody hand, the angry cuts, the blood dripping and painting her skin. Then she threw her head back and mustered out the loudest, most frustrated scream that she could.

“Oh, Yae Na, this is very, very bad” Lisa told her, her voice coated with concern as she examined the wound that Yae Na had haphazardly wrapped up with a scarf. The bleeding had stopped by then, but it hurt so much that she’d begun to feel numb on her whole arm. She’d initially thought not to have it treated at all because, what was the point? Then the pain only became unbearable and she realized, whatever the case was, she still had to live through the day. And so, Yae Na came to school again, dressed completely in black as if to wave flags to god that she’d surrendered, and came to Lisa who reacted none too nicely.

She laid her hand back in her lap. “Now, I can disinfect it and perhaps put antibiotics on it, but you really need to see a doctor because this is really, really bad”

In all honesty, she did not want to go to the ER again, her last experience being all too traumatic for her. The bandages that Lisa would put had to do.

Lisa went onto to fetch her first aid kit, pulled out freshly sterilized cotton and tools and came back to her. “I don’t know what you did with that cat that it did this to you, but if you don’t get the anti-rabies shots, you’re going to be in big trouble”

“I will” Yae Na sighed because she had no energy to say anything else. She watched her as she gently worked on her skin, disinfecting each and every big and little slit as the pain coursed right through her nerves. It was ten times worse than the previous three times she’d gone through it, that she had to grip her fist to hold back the pain.

“And honestly, Yae Na” Lisa continued, now moving onto to apply the ointment. “I don’t know if its just me but…” Lisa took a moment of hesitation and carried on quite uncertainly. “You seem a little off, quite dull in fact. Are you okay?”

If she was okay was an understatement. If it was another time, the question itself would have driven her to the brink of tears, that’s how stressed that she was. But for some reason, days of being beaten and pushed and pulled around by this sick, twisted warp of time, Yae Na had become immune to that kind of pain.

“I’m fine” She replied, quite dully and rested her head on her good hand.

“Are you sure?” Lisa pushed on.

Yae Na stayed quiet, staring ahead as Lisa picked up the plaster bandaging next, and started dressing the wound.

“Lisa” Yae Na called her friend a few minutes later. It’s been working in her mind for a while now, for the last few hours. “If...if this was your last day on earth, what would you do?”

As things were going for her right now, Yae Na couldn’t help thinking that 12th of December of the year 2019 could possibly be her last day on earth, although she lived it again and again and again.

“Last day on earth?” Lisa reiterated as she paused, whatever she was doing. The look in her eyes of was concern. “I don’t know why you’re asking me this”

“Just curious” Yae Na shrugged.

“Well” She really seemed to give it a lot of thought. “I would perhaps do whatever I like to do. You know, eat my favorite food, go to nice places, meet my loved ones and all of that stuff”

“Hm” Yae Na nodded and said nothing more. Funny how, on her last day on earth she had to think of all the possible ways of keeping her marriage falling apart and keeping her loved one from dying again and again and again.

“What made you think about it?” Lisa pushed on. There was a moment of silence as she finished wrapping the plaster bandage around her arm, putting the finishing touches. Then Lisa gazed at her cautiously, searching in her eyes, perhaps, for any sign of concern that could raise red flags.

“It’s-it’s worrying me, Yae Na. I’m beginning to wonder if...if this was even really a cat who did this” She finally put that emotion in her eyes into words. Yae Na kind of knew this would happen, that her wound and words and simply her demeanor would lead to that conversation. Quite frankly, however, Yae Na was not willing to stay back and have that conversation. She was tired, tired of living, tired of doing the same things over and over again. She was tired.

“It was a cat” Yae Na reassured her, making her tone as convincing as she could. “an ugly, nasty cat” She climbed up on her feet, then, and reached for her coat. “Well, I guess I’ll get going, I have a class to go to”

“Okay” Lisa, if anything, looked taken aback by her blunt response. But just about when Yae Na was to leave the nurse’s office, Lisa called her back.

“Wait, hold on”

Yae Na waited patiently, watching her as Lisa scrambled her way to the medicine cabinet, and just as she’d seen her doing so many times before, she took two white pills, painkillers, Yae Na knew, and handed it over to her together with a paper cup of water.

“I would suggest anti-stress medication, but I’m not a therapist” Lisa told her, her voice quiet, still concerned. “But you can do with Paracetamol, if it helps”

Yae Na didn’t stay to teach the class after all. She’d lived this day before, and so the kids wouldn’t miss anything, although it was on a different timeline. She didn’t even bother with informing the school administration because it wouldn’t really matter if she was going to be at work and had been at work on the 12th of December so many times. Instead, she drove out into the city in the calm of the morning, driving endlessly through serpentine roads, no purpose or destination in mind. It would probably be her last day on earth, and even if it wasn’t, Yae Na would make it so. This curse had to end, she couldn’t possibly take it any longer. Dying, if that comes down to it, was better than losing Sung Gyu again, a third and a fourth time. She’d had enough.

By lunch time, Yae Na went and had her favorite Tteokbokki near Yongsan station. The food carts that’s been there for years had to be one of her favorite places in the entirety of Yongsan city. She’d lived there her whole life, coming out of the orphanage and foster care, living on her own. The food carts held so many of her fond memories, from college days, with her friends from school. It was from school that she knew Howon. Although he was originally from Busan, he’d moved in to Yongsan when his parents divorced and he moved with his mother. He was this quiet, aloof boy that hardly made friends with anyone, and she was the scared little orphan for whom social interactions were just terrifying. They made quick friends easily, the kind that could share a meal together without having to say many things. She wouldn’t say that they were best friends. They were never that intimate as friends to begin with. They were always the kind to keep people in a comfortable distance. However, it was with Howon and their circle of friends that she had so many good memories here. How they’d come after school on cold winter days to have spicy hot Tteokbokki until their lips burnt and eyes filled with tears. Even on that endless afternoon of her possibly last 12th of December 2019, Yae Na order the spiciest possible dish of her favorite Tteokbokki, sat alone in the hut on the furthest corner and watching the blurry images of the passing people through the plastic look out of the tent.

Later on, she drove around the city and came to a stop at the Yongsan park. It was a place that she and Sung Gyu had frequently visited, especially during the spring and summer on their quiet picnics, to sit under the cherry blossom trees and recline in the comfort of each other’s presence as cherry blossoms danced in the wind. In the winter, however, it was dull and cold, trees devoid of leaves, the ground dried with wilted brown grass and trees. It was dark and monotonous, just like her heart was at that time as she slowly crossed the park on her own, breathing in the earthy scent of drying leaves. She couldn’t stay there much longer, as all her fond memories from hers and Sung Gyu’s time together was floating in her mind, giving her no peace. She realized, unlike Lisa put into words so simply, doing things that she loved on her last day on earth gave more pain than pleasure. She decided to go to Sung Jong’s and get her hair done instead.

The hair appointment went just as how it had gone the past few timelines, but only, this time when Sung Jong decided to straighten it with lose bangs, Yae Na interjected. It was her last day on earth and for once, she wanted something more...herself. Sung Jong was perplexed when she told him what she desired. “But you’re getting married” He told her, sounding baffled. “Shouldn’t it be something...brighter?”

Yae Na merely shook her head. She knew that Sung Jong wouldn’t question any further but simply comply, which was a convenience. He started out a little uncertainly, perhaps checking if she was about to change her mind. But when her decision didn’t budge, he started to pick up the pace as usual, snipping at her hair as it pooled by his feet in large chunks. While he was at it, Yae Na picked up her phone and looked at Sung Gyu’s message one last time. The wedding and dresses and flowers, all of that just felt million years away, as if they were all things that happened to another person, a person that she’d barely known. It was no longer her life now, for, within a day, everything had changed. The wedding wouldn’t happen, the marriage wouldn’t last after all; it wouldn’t even start. With a deep breath, she turned her phone off and closed her eyes. It was time to put away that life now, for it was no longer hers.

“Sung Jong-Ssi” Yae Na asked then, because it was probably her last day here, last time of seeing him, so she might as well speak to him as she wished.

“Noona?” He asked in response.

“If you could live the same day forever, what day would it be?”

“That’s a strange question, but-,” He gave it a thoughtful hum. “Probably the day I die” He replied. “If you live that day forever, one by one, you can do things that you really wanted to do and die at the end of the day, and you wouldn’t really, because the next would be the same. So you’re actually cheating death, don’t you think?”

“That’s a different way of thinking about it” Yae Na replied. Now that he mentioned, in this weird warped timeline, what if it didn’t let her die either? What if it kept her here forever?

“If that was possible, there are so many things I would do” Sung Jong continued, perhaps genuinely interested in the conversation.

“What is the first thing that you’d do?” Yae Na asked him.

“This first thing?” Sung Jong reiterated, mostly from himself. “I’ll probably tell the person I loved that I love them. You know, knowing that you’re dying give you that kind of courage”

“I guess you’re right” Yae Na replied, nodding in agreement. Knowing you’re dying could make you insurmountably courageous; she accepted this at that moment as Sung Jong created a completely different version of her, one that no longer looked like herself.

“I hope this is what you wanted” He commented at the end of it, pushing her hair to the front. She looked different, fierce, bold, unrecognizable. This wasn’t the Kim Yae Na everyone knew and recognised, and that seemed to make a statement. That seemed to say everything that she wanted to define herself as tonight. Kim Yae Na who had pulled herself through shit for four days and Kim Yae Na who had decided, finally, to give not a single fuck.

“Perfect” Yae Na said appreciatively. “It’s just what I wanted”

Yae Na didn’t go to the florist after that. What was the point anyway? How many times had she ordered flowers now, only to realise that she won’t be needing them anyway? So instead, she returned home again and spent as many as hours with her dogs. She gave them a bath in her tub and gave herself a bath afterwards. As the evening grew closer, she picked out the boldest, darkest outfit that she could find in her closet, blow dried her newly done hair and gave herself a smoky dark make over, bright red lips and eyes that didn’t look like her own anymore. When she stepped out into the night, Yae Na was ready. Ready to end a curse, ready to end a life to save another.

She drove over to Haebangchon that evening, a long quiet drive through dark mountainous roads to reach the small, hidden town at the foot of the mountain. As small as it was, it was equally vibrant. Littered with petite stores and bars and boutiques, mostly owned by foreigners settled in the area, the town seemed to have a life of its own. She hadn’t been here many times before, despite having lived in the neighborhood for so long. In that colorful lively town, Yae Na was able to easily blend in. She was just one of them, just a nightly bar goer, an ordinary street dweller, her odd, dark appearance didn’t stand out as she melted into the surrounding. She walked into a small yet cozy little bar owned by a nice white lady, where she was from, Yae Na was unsure. But she was kind and accommodating as she served her drinks. Yae Na settled down in a table in a corner, looking down at the slopy, low street. Then she turned on her phone, found Sung Gyu’s number and dialed him once.

Yae Na was duly surprised that he picked up upon the first ring which didn’t happen, not once before in the time loop.

“Yae Na” He spoke quietly, his background eerily soundless, as if he was in an empty box. “I’m in the middle of something-,”

“I’m in Haebangchon” Yae Na told him, going straight to the point. “It’s this little bar called the…” She looked at the complementary napkins that she was given “The Paddington. Do you know where it is?”

There was a moment of quietness on his end, during which she assumed was him trying to make sense of everything that he’d heard. “Haebangchon? What the hell are you doing in Haebangchon?”

“I came to see you, of course” Yae Na replied, running her finger along the edge of her glass. Hearing his voice didn’t upset her, tonight, for she had made up her mind and that itself had made her bolder.

“See me?” Sung Gyu echoed incredulously. “Yae Na, what is going on? How did you know I would be here?”

Yae Na frowned and heaved a deep breath. It was going to be quite the conversation, she was sure. “It’s a long story”

“W-what?” He echoed, his voice coated with doubt. But she didn’t let him to speak any longer. “I will tell you” She said, sitting back, crossing her legs. “Once you get here, oppa. It’s a place called The Paddington. It’s easy to find”

With that, she cut off the line and put the phone aside. Sung Gyu and Howon had to be in Haebangchon by now; for what reason or doing what, Yae Na did not know. And knowing Sung Gyu, how worried that he could get, Yae Na was certain he’d find her somehow and give Howon hell until he did. She felt bad, to be putting him through this, to disrupt their work, to make things worse for him. But this had to be done. For him, for them, for herself.

Yae Na wasn’t sure how long she stayed there. An hour? Or two perhaps? She turned her phone off because she was certain he would call her again and ask her to return home or even call her to find her and then send her home. A turned off phone was also a message, she’d learned it the hard way. While she waited, she had about four shots of vodka, something that she usually wouldn’t have. She had a high tolerance, thankfully, that, even after drinking so much she was till pretty sane. She was on her fifth, or perhaps sixth glass whens she saw Sung Gyu’s jeep pulling in, in the street below. She was on the upper flow, and from that window, she could see him climbing out, the deep brown of the top of his head as he hurried his way up the slope. He stopped right in front of the store, narrowed his eyes at the entrance and made his way inside. It took a few minutes for him to walk inside, then there he was, his tall, perpetually handsome features lightening up the dark interior as he looked completely out of place.

He didn’t recognize her at first. Understandable as he was expecting to see a rather feminine, long brown haired girl with starry eyes and pastel shirts. But who sat in her place was a darker version of her that he’d have never imagined. He looked all over the place, his eyes searching. So she climbed up on her feet, approached him, and despite his widened, flabbergasted eyes, Yae Na pulled him closer, cupped his face in her hands and kissed him on his lips.

Sung Gyu was unresponsive, standing completely still as she peppered his lips with sensual little kisses. She’d never be bold in front of other people before. Yae Na was quite shy like that, at least the Yae Na that she’d always been. But this Yae Na was different. It took three times of living the same day to become that. Sung Gyu’s hands pressed onto her shoulders then, and he pulled her away from him. His eyes were so wide and he’d most certainly appalled as if he’d just gotten kissed by a stranger.

“Y-Yae Na? What the hell?”

He was speechless, which made her smile. She had made him speechless quite so many times before, but not like this.

She ran her hand through her cropped jet black hair which, now, barely reached her shoulders. Yae Na had always wanted to do this as a child, in her young and wild phase when death felt like a cooler thing to think about. Looking at Sung Gyu’s reaction, she could tell that he wasn’t very pleased. Not to mention her dark make up and crimson lips, topped off with the dark biker-girl outfit that she wore.

“Don’t you like it?” She asked him, making her voice sound an octave higher. Sung Gyu looked like he was about to lose his mind. He stared at her for a moment, and shook his head. “This can’t be real” He told her, grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the bar.

Evening had already fallen by then, and the streets were slowly accumulating their usual nightly wanderers. In that crowd, Yae Na looked rather ordinary, and quite befitted, really, while Sung Gyu appeared as if he wasn’t where he belonged.

“What on earth has gotten into you, Yae Na, you’re not...you’re not usually like this” He asked her under his breath.

“Like what?” She returned raising her brows.

“Like this!” He hissed back, gesturing at her whole being. “What the hell have you done to yourself?”

Yae Na laughed dismissively. “Don’t worry its just make up”

“And...and your hair?” He muttered, and for a second, she felt really, really bad. Sung Gyu adored her hair. It wasn’t that he didn’t like other non physical aspects of her, but her hair was one of the features that he too, as her husband to be, took a lot of pride in. He would run his hand through it at the odd moments, arrange and rearrange it, tuck in behind her ear and at times, when they were in bed, he would even put it in a neat plait as how he’d learned from his mother. And seeing that she’d taken that away from him...

“I wanted a change” Yae Na sincerely replied.

“But not like...this” Sung Gyu replied, appearing truly hurt. “Yae Na, I don’t mind you trying to embrace a new look but...no, not like this...this is not you”

Yae Na sighed, not wanting to have this conversation any longer. She stepped towards him and took his hand in both of hers. “It’s not why I asked you to come here”

Sung Gyu’s eyes filled with even more concern, as if he couldn’t keep up with more heartbreak for a day.

“Then what for?”

“Come on” She told him and dragged him right back up the way they came.

All the eyes were on them when they entered the bar again, the eyes that probably previously watched him drag her out now watching her drag him in again, perhaps genuinely confused and curious. She, for that one moment, did not look like someone that had anything to do with Sung Gyu let alone his wife-to-be. But none of that really mattered, for Yae Na wasn’t sure, at any rate, if she’d remain to be his wife after tonight.

So she ordered yet another glass of vodka as soon as she sat down which Sung Gyu watched it utter horror.

“Do you want anything?” She asked him casually to which he shook his head. “I’m working”

“Right” Yae Na nodded. The drink arrived, Yae Na crossed her legs and reached for the glass. But before she could make a grab for it, Sung Gyu snatched it from her and drowned it in one go before he closed his eyes.

“I thought you wouldn’t want to drink” Yae Na said and lifted her hand to order another, but Sung Gyu grabbed her hand harshly and pulled it down.

“Stop it, Yae Na, what the hell has gotten into you?”

Yae Na stopped, stared at him for the longest time, and that was when her heart broke. Sung Gyu had no idea, this Sung Gyu that sat right in front of her, worried, confused and perhaps scared, he had no idea, and here she was, doing this to him. He had to know, she confirmed to herself what she had initially planned on doing. He had to know because he deserved to know. Even if he didn’t believe her, he had to know because there was nobody else who cared about her to the extent that he did.

“I have something to tell you” She said. She wasn’t sure how to word it out to him, at least in a way that he’d understood, in a way that he’d believe her words, but she had to try.

“I assumed as much” He replied.

She heaved a deep breath and closed her eyes. “I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t believe it, no matter how much I try. And I won’t blame you because if I were you I wouldn’t believe it either”

“Believe what, Yae Na?” He asked her gently, creases of worry etched on his face.

“And you probably wouldn’t understand it either, how hard it had been-,”

“I probably would, Yae Na, only if you told me-,”

“I’m stuck in a time loop” She simply replied, laid it out there, out in the open, all for his interpretation.

He blinked, confused. “A what?”

“A time loop” Yae Na reiterated patiently.

“But why do you think you’re in a time loop?”

Yae Na pressed a hand to her forehead and dragged it down her face. She’d known this was coming, but-,

“It’s not that I think, oppa, I _know_ that _I am._ I have woken up to the same day five times now, gotten my hair done five times and gone to the florist nearly five times and-,” She paused and pulled up her sleeve, revealing her bandaged wound which Sung Gyu stared at in utmost horror as his face went pale.

“Yae Na-,”

“This” She continued, gesturing at her arm. “I’ve gotten this nearly as many times the same way-,”

“-How?”

“A cat attacked me” She sighed, pulling her sleeve down again. “It snuck into my kitchen the same way through the same window and attacked my hand the same way for all these days, I’m stuck in time, oppa, I know it’s hard to believe but-,”

“You’re tired” Sung Gyu interjected, meeting her eyes. “And you’re probably stressed out with the wedding and also because I couldn’t see you much for a while-,”

“We’ve had this conversation, oppa” She told him firmly, which made him halt in his words. “We’ve talked about these things twice the same day. Once, I called off the wedding, the other we fought and made out...yet nothing has changed…”

Sung Gyu looked like he’d suddenly been thrown out into a storm. His eyes were wide, and he just seemed lost in this labyrinth, unable to get his thoughts straight, perhaps. Yae Na felt so bad for him, and worried too. While he was trying to catch the murderer, on top of it he had a fiance who was borderline insane.

He ran his hands through his hair and leaned towards her. “Okay…” He swallowed. “Let me get this straight. You’re telling me that you’ve been living the same day for...for…”

“Five times” Yae Na added.

“Five times” He nodded. “Right. So Yae Na, you’re saying you lived the same day five times...but what about me? What about the rest of the world?”

“Every time it’s twelfth December, which is today, yet they’re all different timelines, and based on different choices I make, different things I do, the sequential events would change”

Sung Gyu seemed to mull it over, his eyes set on her. “Different timelines” He reiterated as if it was something completely foreign.

“Different timelines” Yae Na agreed.

“And in these timelines, everyone else are different except for you”

Yae Na Thought about it for a second. “They’re all the same, except that, like its for you, you’re living this day for the first time. So it is for all the you’s in the different timelines. But I’ve been in all the timelines, five times, as this”

Sung Gyu kept staring, his head tilted. It was evident that he was not believing her, it was evident that he couldn’t get his mind around it. And Yae Na didn’t want him to, Sung Gyu really didn’t have to.

“Ah, I need a drink” He said, called the bartender and then looked at her. “Vodka” She naturally replied.

The two glasses arrived, until which they were just quiet, Yae Na wondering what to say, Sung Gyu still stuck in his thoughts. Once they were served, Sung Gyu downed his entire glass of white wine in one go. He couldn’t drink anything stronger, for he had to focus on work and had to drive. But by the looks of it, he needed something stronger to be able to perceive what he was hearing.

In the end, he set his glass aside and turned back to her. “Yae Na, first of all, I love you-,”

“You don’t believe me” Yae Na replied.

“No, I mean...yes” He sighed. “But listen...It could be anything” He gestured with his hands in an attempt to find his words. “It could be stress, or not getting enough sleep, or-or-”

“You think I’m crazy”

“I am not telling you that you are” Sung Gyu replied desperately. “But you come all the way to Haebangchon all of a sudden looking like _this_ and tell me you’ve been, what, time traveling? What and I to make of it, Yae Na?”

“You don’t _have_ to believe me” She went on, trying to keep sane herself. She was exhausted, if she was to be honest. She expected him to react this way, but now that she thought of it, she shouldn’t have told him the first place, knowing how terribly he’d take to it. “It’s just...i am tired, okay? It’s been really exhausting, and I-,” She let out a sigh and met his eyes. “If _you_ had to live the same day again and again, what would it be?”

“I..I don’t know” Sung Gyu shook his head incredulously. “And I probably wouldn’t have to, because it’s not-,”

“What if you had to live the day that I died again and again?”

Sung Gyu fell quiet at that moment, his face appalled, and he pressed his palms against his eyes. “This is just-,”

“That’s what it was for me” She said.

Sung Gyu dropped his hands. “What do you mean?”  
  


“You asked me how I knew you’d be here, right?” Yae Na went on, giving him a sad smile. “I asked Howon. That’s how I know. And no, I didn’t ask in this time line, so even if you asked him now, he wouldn’t know. I know all about it too, about doctor Yoon and what he does...about the hijacked red cross lorry, about Fentanyl, about all of that”

When Sung Gyu lifted his head and stared at her, Yae Na realized that he might start believing her now. In their original timeline, Sung Gyu had kept everything from her, everything except for what they called the killer. She didn’t know why he was called that, or how it happened, or what he did in exact detail, everything that he’d kept from her lest he ended up hurting her, everything that he’d kept to himself that ended up hurting him instead.

“It wasn’t you who told me any of that...it was Howon, because I asked him to. And he...he also told me…” Yae Na hesitated for a second, recalling the exact words. “All the victims...how you felt about them...why you took the case...how you thought that they were all someone’s _me_ ”

Sung Gyu opened his mouth to respond, but he couldn’t. Then he shook his head. “How…? I-I told Howon not to-,”

“Howon didn’t, at least the Howon in this timeline”

Sung Gyu fell quiet. And Yae Na heaved a great big breath. “Doctor Yoon, he’s probably somewhere in Haebangchon now. You’d be going to the Yongsan station right? And then to the forensics lab-,”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I’ve lived it already”

Sung Gyu pressed his hands on his eyes again and ran his fingers through his hair. “This doesn’t make sense Yae Na, nothing makes sense”

“They’re not supposed to, but listen,” She told him and leaned forward as if the proximity would make him understand her much better.

“Doctor Yoon is probably somewhere in Haebangchon...I don’t know, I’m not certain, but after you leave to the forensics lab this evening to collect autopsy results of the last victim, Doctor Yoon gets away, he drives through Noksapyeong towards Jung-Gu, he will get away”

Sung Gyu allowed a few minutes for all the information to be absorbed to his mind. “And I’m supposed to believe this?” He asked her tiredly in the end.

“You should” Yae Na replied in a stern tone. “And I’m telling you this because...” She took a sharp breath, meeting his eyes. “The last four timelines, I had to go through hell because of this...I had to go through hell because I had to watch you...I had to…” Her her voice was failing her now, chocking on her own words. It was the point where she stopped being bold on her own. The images from that night flashed in her mind yet again, and tears welled in her eyes.

“You had to what?” Sung Gyu pushed on, his voice thick with emotion. Yae Na sobbed as she lifted her head heavenwards, trying to stop her tears.

“Just don’t-don’t go there” She told him in the end, once she found her voice. “I don’t care if you believe me or not, right now. And frankly, it doesn’t matter, just don’t go to Noksapyeong, that’s all”

Sung Gyu face darkened as he watched her, “What happens...in Noksapyeong?” He wanted to know.

“You do something….” She muttered, pressing the back of her hand on her lips. “You do something that you shouldn’t...that cost your life. And twice….twice I had to watch you go...once, right before my eyes”

Sung Gyu fell quiet again, and he was so pale, so lost that Yae Na couldn’t help but reach out and take his hand. He looked up at her, widening his eyes, and his hand naturally wrapped around hers. “How?” He asked her.

“You don’t want to know” Yae Na shook her head.

“I want to, so I can _not_ do that” He reasoned out, his voice quiet, shaking.

Yae Na knew better not to believe him. He probably would do it instead, if he knew what he did, he’d deem it as what he should do to stop the killer from getting away, and Yae Na wouldn’t be able to stop him tonight, Yae Na wouldn’t be able to do what she’d planned to do.

“I can’t” Yae Na replied, vigorously shaking her head. “Just stay away from Noksapyeong, that’s all” With that, she climbed up on her feet.

She wouldn’t spend more time trying to convince him any longer, for it would have no point. How could one ever be convinced of knowing that their girlfriend has been stuck in time? Especially when she looked and appeared to be running through a bad phase in life? And frankly, Sung Gyu didn’t have to believe her. She just needed to get the weight off her heart and just try, try and see if he’d believe her, try and see if her telling him would make him stop tonight. Even if it didn’t work, that didn’t really matter, for Yae Na had already made up her mind.

But when she turned to leave, Sung Gyu grabbed hold of her hand. She stopped and he stood up. “Wait” He said and she turned back to him.

“If...if it’s true” He said, his voice quiet but shaking. “Yae Na, if it’s true and if you’ve really been stuck in time...how do you...make it stop?”

For a second, the flicker in his eyes almost convinced her that he believed her. Yae Na gave him a desperate, sad little smile. “I don’t know” She shook her head as she whispered. “I’ve been trying for four days, but I still don’t know”

“Yae Na…”

She shook her head again as he stepped towards him, closer and closer and closer until he was just a hair-thread of a distance away. His breath, scented of wine, mingled with hers and she placed her fingers on his cheeks, moved closer and kissed him softly, gently on his lips. Sung Gyu took a sharp breath, his own hands lifting towards her and wrapping around her waist. He pulled her closer to him, kissing her back in the same fervor, the same desperation as she did. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her fingers in his hair, and Sung Gyu nearly pulled her off her feet. For that moment, nothing mattered, where they were or what they’ve been doing or how they would appear to people. For that one moment it was only them for each other, lost in their arms, scared and desperate to hold onto that last string of existence, to keep each other from disappearing, from slipping away.

“I love you” Sung Gyu mumbled, against her lips, against her skin, as he continued to kiss her, “I love you…”

“So do I” Yae Na ventured out, closing her eyes as he finally pulled away. She met his eyes as she cupped his face between her hands. “So, so much”


	7. Chapter 7

* * *

In the end, reluctantly so, Sung Gyu had to leave. Howon came searching for him, and when Yae Na looked out the window she could see him near where Sung Gyu had his jeep parked, marching about. Sung Gyu left her eventually, after staring at her longingly from down below through the window that she sat up above. There was an imperceptible emotion in his eyes which she easily interpreted as belief. She truly was unable to figure out how exactly he felt about what she said; did he think she was crazy? Or did he actually put the effort to believe her? He didn’t say much, which was frustrating, but the look in his eyes seemed to say a lot. After he left, Yae Na too, took off and drove in the same direction as they did. For all the good reasons, she couldn’t trust him with what she’d told him. Was it right to tell him the truth? Would it change the turn of events drastically? If so, how _would_ they change?

And how would Yae Na come into the picture of the final show down of the night?

She wanted to stick to her plan, if anything. That was probably the only way to end this curse, this frustrating, unbearable glitch of time.

So Yae Na followed him. Yae Na followed him all the way that he went, to the first stop which was somewhere in Haebangchon where so many police cars were parked. She watched him from the sidelines as he ducked under yellow tapes and disappeared into a narrow dark alley, a crime scene, the fifth victim. She’d never been close to a crime scene despite having dated a prosecutor who handled so many homicides for six years. It was her first time; yet, rather than fascinated, she was quite scared. Being bold wasn’t an emotion that lasted for a long time, she supposed. At odd moments, her truest feelings would surface too. Yae Na remembered how he’d told her once, that the perpetrator in many similar cases would linger around the crime scene for the longest time to observe how things would turn out. Yae Na wasn’t certain if it was the same with serial killers. Nonetheless, knowing the circumstances of the killings didn’t fail to keep her on toes, at least until Sung Gyu and Howon ducked out back from the alley while talking to yet another police officer in his usual confident walk as he pulled rubber gloves off his hands. They started up and drove away yet again, and Yae Na followed.

As expected, their next stop was the Yongsan police station. Yae Na knew, by experience, that their stay here was going to take a while. Although she did contemplate on going inside, she couldn’t bring herself to. She remembered how the last time went. The memories of it made her cheeks heat up, but also she knew that if it was to happen again, Yae Na would lose her will to do what she was meant to do, she wouldn’t be able to leave him again. She’d told him her final goodbyes, and the more she be with him, the weaker she would be. Therefore, once Sung Gyu’s jeep pulled in, Yae Na parked in a further corner of the parking lot, in a fair distance from where she could catch a glimpse of the station’s entrance as well as his jeep and waited.

The wait didn’t take long, however, as, about ten to twenty minutes into it, Yae Na was startled by a knock on her closed shutter, and she looked up, only to see Sung Gyu standing in the cold, wrapped up and breathing out warm white clouds. It was already dark by then, and the look in his eyes was unreadable. Yae Na let out a heavy sigh and let herself out into the nightly cold. She hadn’t calculated this part very well, where Sung Gyu was masterfully attentive. He must have seen her following him from miles away.

“What are you doing out here?” He asked her sternly. There was no anger or malice in his voice, just concern.

Yae Na merely shrugged, rested a hand on her waist and fixed her dark pixie with the other.

“Have you been following me, Yae Na?”

“Did you notice?” Yae Na returned.

“All the way from HBC” Sung Gyu gravely replied. “And I don’t know why you would but-,”

“I don’t trust you” Yae Na simply replied, making him appear perplexed. “After I told you about Noksapyeong, I can’t trust you not to go there”

“So you followed me?” He asked in clarification, outraged. “Yae Na that’s just-,” He threw his hands, ran them through his hair and raised his head heavenwards in frustration. “I don’t know what to do with you” He told her and reached for her hand. “Come on, it’s cold out here”

She knew that he was about to drag her into the station, into that obnoxious crowd of Howon’s team mates who stared at her as if she’d landed from another planet. And given how she currently looked right now, which was nothing like whom Kim Sung Gyu would be engaged to, Yae Na couldn’t possibly take their quiet, judgmental glances. Not to mention what Sung Gyu would probably do next, taking her along to the meeting room which would possibly change her heart.

“I don’t want to go in there” Yae Na said, holding her grounds and Sung Gyu looked back at her, irate. “The police officers in there look at me like I was an alien. I’ve done it once” When Sung Gyu appeared confused, Yae Na added; “In a different timeline”

“Fine” Sung Gyu groaned, turned her around by her shoulders and opened the door of her car. “Get in”

Sung Gyu rounded the car and climbed in from the other side. She started it up only for the heater to turn on and warm their cold skin.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said” Sung Gyu said after a while, not really looking at her but staring ahead as streetlights reflected and flickered in his eyes. “I think I believe you...” He finally turned to face her. “for some weird reason, I believe you. I think it’s because I don’t see a reason why you would lie to me about something like that...and I _know_ you. I just know you enough to know that you wouldn’t...you wouldn’t do this” -He gestured at the circumstances they were in for emphasis- “unless there was a very, very good reason...so I believe you”

“Oppa” Yae Na started, meeting his eyes. “I didn’t _want_ you to believe me, the reason why I told you this is-,”

“Noksapyeong, I know” He said, finishing it for her. “But don’t blame me if I can’t stop thinking about it”

“Oppa-,”

“You come to me,” Sung Gyu continued, interjecting her, “looking completely different, telling me that you’ve time traveled and that I would die in Noksapyeong, Yae Na, what the hell am I to make of it?”

“Nothing” Yae Na replied, making it sound so simple. “Just don’t go to Noksapyeong, just go home”

Sung Gyu sighed heavily and turned to her. “What happens if I don’t _go_ to Noksapyeong?”

Yae Na stayed quiet. She knew, if she would tell her anything more than she already had, Sung Gyu would make a decision and be steadfast with it. He wasn’t someone who would easily change his mind. His decisions were always the final, and steel hard, unchangeable. It was a mistake, seeing it now, telling him any of this. If she told him any further, she would regret it even more.

“Then what happens if I _do_ go? Yae Na please, If I’m to believe what you said, which, for a weird fucking reason I do, you’ve got to help me out here”

The desperation in his voice was beginning to waiver her the slightest.

“Please” He added.

“Look” She started, finally giving in. “I’m pretty sure you do that for a reason and I’m also sure what the consequence was, was not what you intended when you did that, at least in that time line. So in this, I want you to not do that, that’s all I’m asking of you”

Sung Gyu took a sharp breath and sat back, making her wonder if he had given up trying.

“You said it was twice...that I died” Sung Gyu’s voice suddenly filled the silence, and she could see him looking at her again. “And this….this thing happened five times. So what happened the other two times?”

“Today’s the fifth” Yae Na easily replied.

“And?”

“The first time we broke off the wedding”

Sung Gyu was quiet for a second and asked; “Why?”

“Because we had a fight”

“About?”

Yae Na didn’t answer, all because she didn’t want to start the fight again. Sung Gyu seemed to understand this too that he gave up probing it any further.

“Then what about the other?” He asked her instead.

“We fought again” Yae Na replied, recalling the last time she time-glitched. “Then you came over to mine and we slept together”

“That sounds like a happy ending” Sung Gyu replied hopefully.

Although that did make her smile, Yae Na couldn’t say anything anymore. That’s what she’d thought so too, that the last glitch was the end to the curse, that it was going to be their happy ending. It was after all she did everything right, after all she tried her best to keep everything in place without amiss. By the end of that, Yae Na did not know anymore. Whoever who’d cast this curse on her, what did they expect? What did they want from her? What could she do?

“How did it happen?” Sung Gyu asked her, his voice quiet, somewhat concerned.

“The loop?” She asked.

“Hm” He nodded.

“I sincerely don’t know” Yae Na sighed. Looking ahead. “but you know, in Buddhism they have something called karma, what you do comes back to you”

Sung Gyu looked over at her, and she too met his eyes. “I think that’s what it is for me. Karma. For something wrong that I’ve done, they’re keeping me in time”

He turned away, his eyes set ahead. “Perhaps there is a way to stop it” He said.

“I tried everything” Yae Na shook her head. “I changed little things I did, and subsequent reaction to what I did would be bigger, unexpected. Keeping that in mind I kept changing little things….and the fourth time went so well” She sighed, recalling her previous timeline, the perfect one, the ideal ending. “But if that didn’t work-” _I have to take it with me._ She added in her mind _._

Sung Gyu opened his mouth to say something at that point, his eyes filled with moisture, lights reflecting in them breathtakingly. But the ringing of his phone stopped him. He looked like he wished time stopped when he fished his phone out from his pocket. “I have to take this” He told her quietly, picked up the call and cleared his throat. “Howon”

Yae Na didn’t really listen to his conversation, for she knew what it was about. He had to go to the lab, for the forensic results of the latest victim were available. Sung Gyu would have to drive to the lab, now, which meant that she had to follow him.

“I’m afraid I have to go, Yae Na” He said as he finally put down the phone. “The forensic-,”

“Results have come, and you have to get the report” Yae Na finished it for him. When he looked at her, a little surprised, she gave him a smile. “I know, I already went through this”

Sung Gyu looked uncomfortable, knowing this piece of information. “Do you know...how it happened?”

Yae Na pursed her lips and nodded. “He injects a lethal dose of Fentanyl and…” She trailed off, unable to say the rest. Sung Gyu put his hands together and nodded. “I’m sorry that you had to...know these things. I’ve been keeping them from you…”

“I know oppa” Yae Na told him comfortingly, placing a hand on top of his. “But after all that happened, I feel pretty okay to _know_ all of that”

He smiled sadly, looking away. “That tough huh?”

“That tough” She smiled.

They were quiet for a beat of a moment, afterwards, perhaps not wanting to be the first one to part ways. The time loop had given her more and more opportunities to be with Sung Gyu, seen more and more sides of him than the last six years of them being together had, which she was thankful for. And right now, although her heart felt so, so heavy to be the one to break him, she had to. The curse had to stop, and the curse had to go with her.

“I think I really should go” Sung Gyu said finally, on an end note, turning to her. “I will see you tonight, somehow. I’ll talk to you, or come over and keep you from going back in time-,”

“If that was possible” Yae Na smiled sadly. “But oppa, promise me you won’t go to Noksapyeong tonight”

Sung Gyu stared at her without a word.

“I trust you” Yae Na continued when he didn’t. “But I don’t trust you with your own life, so I’m going to follow you the entire night”

“And I’ve followed you for six years, sweetheart, that’s why we’re here” He told her, dodging her unanswered question and leaned in. He kissed her then, sweet but brief and desperate, he pulled away too soon.

“I love you” Yae Na told him as he sat back and reached for the door.

“So do I” He smiled, his eyes filled with so many indiscernible emotions that Yae Na hated herself for giving him. “So much”

The chase continued yet again. Just like she promised him, he drove right after him. He went to the forensic lab which was just outside of Yong San, a little towards Itaewon, a quiet area which had more buildings than people, standing darkly like tall ghosts. He spent a while there, about an hour or so, during which Yae Na began to drift asleep. She was startled awake, however, by a bright flashing light, just in time to see Sung Gyu climbing down the stairs out of the laboratory and heading towards his jeep, distracted by a phone call. Yae Na knew what this call was. She knew it all too well. Her heart picked up pace, her stomach churning. She could see him watching her car even from that distance, his face stoic, standing rigid. Perhaps he had already decided what to do by then, to crash into the lorry, to stop it from escaping, to, even unintentionally so, give up his life to save another.

All of which Yae Na would do for him tonight.

The next few minutes, time seemed to move on faster. Sung Gyu drove through the nearly empty roads of Itaewon, cutting through smaller areas, heading towards Noksapyeong where doctor Yoon was last told to be seen. Yae Na remembered the lorry so well, large and white like a beast. Even now, if she’d see it from a distance, she’d recognize it very well. They were far from there still, but they will get there eventually when Howon’s car chase would come parallel to wherever Sung Gyu was heading to. Yae Na picked up pace whenever Sung Gyu did. And slowed down when they got too close. It was there own little car chase now. Sung Gyu desperate to loose her on his way, Yae Na desperate to find him. It was almost as if he’d realized what she too was about to do. Somewhere into the somewhat dangerous drive they did, Yae Na’s phone rang. Sung Gyu’s name appeared on the little screen along with a little love heart that she’d saved him with. Yae Na gave it a moment to ring and picked up much later on. She was already prepared to hear what he was telling her.

“You were right” Sung Gyu told her breathlessly, distractedly. “He’s in Noksapyeong. So I fully believe you now”

“Then what are you doing?” Yae Na yelled, gripping the steering wheel hard. “I told you not to go to-,”

Yae Na knew, by now it was a lost cause but-,

“I’m sorry Yae Na” He said and the line went dead. Yae Na accelerated harder, then, cut to the left and tried to take over Sung Gyu’s jeep. Sung Gyu who saw her intention very well, took a turn that blocked her path, and Yae Na continued to attempt to take over, breaking so many road rules while she did. She hoped, at that point that they got pulled over, perhaps, get sent to jail for speeding. But unfortunately (or fortunately, perhaps) they were taking much smaller unknown roads through to Noksapyeong, and Sung Gyu very much kept to the speed limits.

Yae Na picked up her phone and dialed his number. He picked up at about the third ring, and he was breathing hard. “Give up, Yae Na” He told her sternly, and in front of her, he was picking up pace again. “Stop this and go home”

“Do you even know where you’re going?” Yae Na yelled back in return. “Do you even know where he’s headed too?”

“Yes” Sung Gyu returned without a beat. “And I’m not going to tell you”

In the background on the other end, Yae Na heard the sound of beeping and yet another voice, he was communicating with the police while he drove on. That’s how he knew where to cut in from, and he’d done so accurately as well.

“Fine” Yae Na replied, equally determined. “Then I’m not getting off your tail”

“Fine” Sung Gyu reiterated. “Then I’m getting _you_ off my tail”

He pressed on and sped up, the jeep cutting in front of yet another unknown car that had gotten into their game. She didn’t lose his trail, however, even as they approached an intersection and he took a swift turn to the right.

“You think you did something there” Yae Na told him challengingly. “I see you”

“Give up while I’m being easy on you”

Yae Na pulled into the same direction that he did, which brought them to a narrow two-lained road. The drive was mostly straight with an eighty kmph speed limit; which was a challenge if they were to keep the limit and push through. Sung Gyu was still on the call with her, and she could hear him talking, perhaps he had forgotten that she was still on the line. On his other phone, which he had also put on speaker, she could hear Howon’s voice, which was much different from the previous time while she was in Howon’s car.

“He’s going straight in Noksapyeong-Daero but will take an exit any minute” Howon said. His voice wasn’t exactly clear, but enough for her to make out the words.

“Where is the next exit?” Sung Gyu asked, at which point Howon answered, his words quite clear.

“Got it” Sung Gyu said.

“Got it” Yae Na replied.

“What the fuck Yae Na, when are you going to stop?” Sung Gyu exclaimed, making Yae Na shake her head. _Not even after you stopped, oppa. Y_ ae Na wanted to tell him _. Its not only you that I want to stop tonight._

“You better slow down then” Yae Na went on, “-or get out of here, turn back. Or I won’t leave you”

Sung Gyu let out an audible sigh of frustration. “Yae Na, I know what you’re trying to do but this is work and this is important-,”

“There are better ways to do this than doing what you’re going to do” Yae Na interjected him as she tried to overtake him. But as expected, he blocked her way. “Just let him go” She sighed, exhausted. “get the next patrol to catch him, you’re not the police!”

“How are you so sure that’s what I’m going to do tonight? Whatever I’ve done in the previous…” He struggled with the word. “What’s-it?”

“If not why are you going this way?” Yae Na argued in return. “You’d go back, oppa, you wouldn’t do this”

“I’m hanging up” Sung Gyu sighed then, and once again the line went dead. Although in their quietness, the chase continued. Yae Na regretted having told him anything at that point. She should merely have followed him from the beginning and cut the chase at the last moment, pull in in front of him and do what she was supposed to do. Right now it had started to become a competition of who gave their life to stop a killer from going on their murder spree.

Sung Gyu had sped out of the two lane road and was approaching an intersection when he called her again. He didn’t say much. In the beginning it was just the sound of his breathing and Howon’s voice in the background.

“We’re losing him” Howon was telling, his voice crackling as it came through, and Sung Gyu’s quietly cursing to nobody in particular.

“You can stop now” Yae Na reminded him, her voice pleading, desperate. If Sung Gyu pulled over now and stopped it, everything will be fine. Yae Na knew that no persuasion from her or anyone could stop him. It was evident when he sped up in front of her.

“If what you said is true” He started, his voice breathless as he spoke, “If it’s true, I block the exit don’t I?”

A sudden image of Sung Gyu’s jeep pulling in like a dark knight, only to to fall and catch flames appeared in her mind. Yae Na gripped the steering wheel, hard.

“You don’t have to do it” Yae Na whispered, pursed her lips. “Ah, I shouldn’t have told you”

“Does he get away if I didn’t?” He pushed on determinedly.

“You don’t have to know”

“He does, doesn’t he?”

Yae Na stayed quiet, and with a trembling hand, she moved to cut off the line. Yet, just as she was about to, his voice stopped her.

“I can’t lose you…” He suddenly told her, his voice thick with a sentiment that she couldn’t pinpoint. “I can’t loose you to him, Yae Na. Doctor Yoon, this bastard...he knows that I am after him, and if we let him get away, he…”

Sung Gyu hesitated, and Yae Na saw how the jeep slowdown just for a second. “he’d be after you, Yae Na. He wouldn’t hurt me, but he’d hurt you”

Yae Na’s mind went blank the very instance. Her car slowed down too, as his words continued. “I have to stop him, I don’t care what it takes, I can’t let him get away, not again”

Yae Na’s hands gripped tighter and tighter onto the steering wheel as she tried her best to keep strong. She never knew, nor did Howon tell her, nor did Sung Gyu from any of the previous timelines. He never told her…

Not in so many words at least, but he did…

When he let her stay in the police station and he asked Howon to keep an eye on her. _‘Hyung’s precious Yae Na,_ Howon had said, but the Sung Gyu that she knew had never been particularly so protective over her, he knew her and believed that she was protected on her own. That night, the unspoken words that were carried in the way he kissed her, the redness in his eyes and that desperation, ‘ _Nothing’,_ he had answered, although there was certainly so much more.

And then the night of the last timeline, Yae Na could remember his words so clearly although there was only so much that he said

‘ _I know exactly what it feels like...Because every day, I see another dead girl. Every day, I’m terrified that it’s-,’_

That it’s _you_. That’s what he’d kept himself from telling her. Every time, Sung Gyu was terrified that it’s _her_.

That’s what he refused to tell her that night, that’s what he’d kept from her, from everyone, buried in his heart, and that’s what had drawn him that night to pull in, take a dangerous step ahead and block the way. He didn’t want to let him get away, lest he ended up hurting her. Just like he claimed tonight, Sung Gyu was willing to do whatever it would take to keep her safe.

But in this timeline, she wasn’t ready to let him take his life.

“Yae Na, you know that I love you…” He was telling her, his voice quiet, distant, and for the first time she was hearing everything that he must have longed to tell her before he crashed in. “You know that I do. So stop now, slow down”

They were closing in on the exit now. If anyone wanted to bring themselves out of the Noksapyeong expressway, it was one of the many exits that they’d use. Yae Na could now see the red and blue lights from a far distance, and she knew, in a heart beat, that her time had come nearer.

“I won’t, until you do”

A second passed, then two, and Yae Na saw in the short distance that he was before her, Sung Gyu’s jeep truly lost pace.

“Now stop...slow down”

Following his words, she did slow down, yet not missing the entourage of vehicles that were coming closer and closer…

Sung gyu’s jeep started to pick pace again, and that was the moment Yae Na pressed on the pedal. She accelerated, took a sharp move forward, completely overtaking Sung Gyu’s jeep by force as they entered the exit.

“Yae Na no!” She could hear his voice, and she moved forward, passing him. For one last time, she saw the horror in his face.

“ _No, no, no, no, no!”_

Sung Gyu could do nothing at that point, for the exit was too narrow to over take anymore. Yae Na saw her whole life flashing before her eyes, the time she’d spent the past few days, living the same day again and again yet falling in love with Sung Gyu even more. It’s been a beautiful time, yet, it had to come to an end now, even if it meant she had to bring forth everything that he feared, take away everything that he loved.

“No, Yae Na, stop, no!”

“I love you” She whispered then, as the exit came to an end. She didn’t want him to hear her any further, not the collision, not her last breath. She cut of the line then, and as endless lights came right at her, blinding her; red, blue and white, Yae Na took a sharp turn to the left, blocking the entrance, blocking the way. The last thing that she did see through the blur in her eyes was the red and white of the lorry, and in her mind, the image of the one she loved..

It had to end, the time loop.

And, as the first snow of this winter descended from the sky above. Kim Yae Na had taken the curse with her.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

13th December, 2019

-or the day after Kim Yae Na lost the battle that she fought

The room was quiet. Outside, snow was beginning to melt under the morning light, the same light that was seeping in through the crack of the curtains, illuminating the entire room. A quiet whine of a dog would sound, then their nails dragging across the linoleum as they slept. Sheets rustled at times, a lowly hum would come from under the covers, a hand would fall out, a golden wedding band glistening under the sun.

It was just like any other day. Quiet, peaceful, tranquil. A bright winter morning that one would spend long, huddled under the covers, dreaming.

It was just like any other day, but it wasn’t.

Kim Yae Na woke up with a startled. She felt like she was falling. Her head was paining, mind hazy, eyes taking too long to adjust to the light. It took her a few minutes to register then. But for a moment, she wondered if it was how heaven felt like. Warm, calming and quiet. For the first time in days, there were no sound of barking dogs, there was no trepidation, no dread. It certainly had to be how heaven felt like, for Yae Na hadn’t felt so peaceful in a while. It certainly had to be heaven, for Yae Na could no longer be alive by then.

Unless, only unless…

Yae Na abruptly pulled herself up, reached out, her hand searching. She found her phone on the nightstand, haphazardly tossed away. Her eyes finally adjusted to the light, her mind fell into place again when she saw the time on the screen. It was somewhere past seven in the morning, and the date was-

**13 th December 2019**

**-Or the day that life moved on**

For the first time in five days, Kim Yae Na had moved forward in time. It was the 13th of December after so many days, snow had fallen outside and Yae Na was still alive. Life would continue from here, she believed. Her life would continue from here. Yet, there was a terrifying, gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach, and she felt her chest tighten in anxiety.

If time had indeed moved on, what was the time line that had continued? Of all the five different timelines of the same day that she’d lived, with four different consequences, what timeline had she lived? Alarmed, Yae Na moved to pull herself out of bed again. But only, she couldn’t, as holding her back now, she felt an arm wrapping around her waist. Yae Na froze in the moment, right there, right then. Sung Gyu familiar groggy voice was soon so close behind her, and then his warmth, and then his scent, the tingle of his messy hair brushing her skin as he moved closer and pulled her into his arms.

“Good morning” He mumbled against her neck, and with a start she realized that they both wore nothing under the blankets at that time. “Too early...come back”

Yae Na remained frozen to the spot, trying to make sense of everything that she felt. Her mind was in a turmoil. Sung Gyu was here, in her room, on her bed, holding her. She couldn’t have been more overwhelmed than she was right at that moment. Warmth filled her eyes, her head felt empty, and she felt herself falling again; but only this time, she was falling into his arms.

Yae Na was crying again, with happiness or by pain, she couldn’t tell. Through her blurry eyes, she could see Sung Gyu’s concerned gaze as he hovered above her. Even as she cried, she reached out and fixed the mess of his hair. It’s been so long that she’d properly looked at him in daylight. She hadn’t realized, all this time, that his hair had actually grown too long.

“Hey….hey are you okay?” He asked her, one of his hands was on her face, feeling her warmth, wiping her tears. “This is too early for waterworks” He said mock disapprovingly, making her laugh through tears. He was quiet for a while, observing her and she took in a sharp breath.

“Yae Na, sweetheart, is this about last night?”

_Last night?_ In Yae Na’s reality, last night she had overtaken Sung Gyu’s place in a car chase and sacrificed herself to stop a fleeing serial killer. But that didn’t seem to be the exact incident that he seemed to be referring to when he talked about last night.

“Last...night?” She croaked out, anticipating a better explanation. She was nervous as to what this timeline could be. There was only one possibility as to which timeline had continued, the fourth. But Yae Na could never be too sure.

Sung Gyu made a face. “Don’t tell me you don’t remember”

She shook her head. “I honestly don’t”

Sung Gyu seemed to contemplate it for a second, then instead of telling her and clearing her doubts, he moved in and kissed her. His lips were soft and warm and comforting, the kiss so different to all the other times that they have kissed for the past few days; soft, gentle yet playful, so _him_.

His arm moved to cradle her head as his fingers massaged her scalp. He broke off only to rub his nose against hers. “On second thoughts, it’s good that you don’t”

Yae Na pouted her lips, although in her mind, she was desperate. “Oppa…”

Sung Gyu pulled away from her, sitting up on the bed. “Now come on, it’s late and we’ve got to go to work”

“Wait” She too, pulled herself up on the bed, bringing the sheets along with her, covering herself. She couldn’t possibly leave her doubts unanswered, floating in the air between them. So much has happened, so many things have changed and she already did have an insurmountable amount of questions that showed no possibility of getting answered; this, today, was the last she needed to be added on to her pile. Sung Gyu paused and turned to her. Yae Na slid across the bed towards him, and his fingers slowly entangled with hers.

“You really don’t remember?” He asked her quietly, his concerned gaze falling into hers. There was doubt in his eyes, there was concern. But above all, there was warmth, there was love, all of which, Yae Na knew, was directed towards her.

Yae Na shook her head. She would have no explanation why she didn’t, and even if he asked her, she had no idea how she could explain to him without him thinking that she had gone out of her mind. The Sung Gyu in the previous timeline, for all the wrong and right reasons, had somehow believed her. But the Sung Gyu here, right now, Yae Na had no idea what to expect.

Sung Gyu nodded, holding her hand warmly in his. “Yesterday...we...we had a fight” He said, met her eyes, “And you wanted to call off the wedding”

It didn’t take long for her to put two and two together, It was the very first timeline that had continued then; the very first. It took everything from her not to exclaim her relief too loud, lest she surprised him, and in the bad way.

“Do you remember that?” He asked, albeit gently as he searched her eyes.

Yae Na tilted her head. “A little…?”

Sung Gyu chuckled. “I thought so. Because when I came over last night, you were stinking drunk and passed out in your work clothes and I had to-,”

“Oh” Yae Na’s cheeks heated up in embarrassment and she made a face. “Oh, no”

“And it didn’t go exactly well because we-,” He trailed off at that, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Oh no!”

Sung Gyu laughed, so did she, the air becoming lighter and lighter between them. She realized, it was how things should have been since the beginning, and it was how the things were now, after everything that they went through. Perhaps this was the reason why god did this to her, kept her in repeating time, put her through pain time and time again until she realized what mattered the most in her life.

The two of them fell quiet again, and in that comfortable silence, Sung Gyu gently rubbed her hand, lost in his own thoughts. Yae Na reached out and fixed his hair which had messily fallen over his eyes. Sung Gyu raised his head and looked at her.

“Do you still want to do it?” He asked her.

“Do what?” She raised her brows.

Sung Gyu hesitated, swallowing hard before he replied. “Call off the wedding”

Tears welled up in her eyes, and Yae Na didn’t think twice before she shook her head. “No, no...and I’m sorry-I was an idiot-”

“Ssh...ssh….” Sung Gyu shook his head, stopping her and placed a finger on her lips. “Listen, Yae Na, I’m sorry...for putting you in that place, for making you think that way-,”

“It’s not your fault” She whispered, recalling his reasons, his very good reasons.

“Nor is it yours” Sung Gyu replied gravely, took her hand and kissed her palm. His thumb rubbed the golden band that he himself had put on her a few months back on a warm summer night, not knowing all the adventures that it would entail. He slowly pulled it off her hand then, surprising her, and gave her yet another chaste kiss on her lips.

“Now, I’m asking you again; Kim Yae Na, will you marry me?”

Yae Na was crying and laughing all at once as she threw herself into his arms. She let him put the ring on her yet again, and all was well.

Later that morning, Yae Na was in the kitchen while Sung Gyu pressed one of his extra suits that he had hoarding in her closet for emergencies while talking to Sam and Coco like he usually did. It was once again, a usual domestic morning in her flat; one of the many nights that Sung Gyu had stayed over, promising her not to stay late but ended up doing so anyway and grumbled the next morning about going to work late. But only, this time, he wasn’t grumbling or complaining, he was mostly quiet as if whatever that had happened in Sung Gyu’s reality had affected him a lot more than she expected. Yae Na didn’t usually have a big breakfast, but that morning she tried her best to put together a better meal as to make up for whatever she did the night before. Yae Na was in the middle of transferring some Kimchi from a container that his mother had sent her to a bowl when Sung Gyu came to the kitchen, all dressed with the dogs tailing behind him. He was never a dog person before. Not until he met her. And now she sometimes had a feeling that he came over to her place with the sole intention of seeing them.

“What’s cooking?” he asked as he joined her.

“Just breakfast” She muttered, putting the half empty box of Kimchi aside.

“Need any help?”

“Nothing much” She shrugged, gazing at him, feeling warm and peaceful than she had ever been. Sung Gyu was just Sung Gyu, loving and breathtaking, her everything, the love of her life. Yae Na had never believed in love until she met him, and she never believed that she could fall in love with someone every passing day like she did with Sung Gyu. Sung Gyu was just Sung Gyu, with his gentle smiles, tired creases around his eyes, constant complaining in ordinary mornings, overly engrossed in work, hardly ever putting his love into words. But it was him that she loved beyond words, him and everything that made him, him. And to think that she had nearly lost him...twice-,

“Yae Na?” Sung Gyu’s voice cut into her train of thoughts, then, and only at that point did she realise that she’d been staring at him for so long.

“You’ve just been...staring” He replied, meeting her eyes.

“Oh um” Yae Na turned away, tucking her hair behind her ear. “You can just...set the table”

“On it” He replied and moved on to do just that. Even as he did, Yae Na realized, she wasn’t done watching him. She wasn’t done watching his quick, meticulous ways of doing things as simple and mundane as setting the table, arranging the cutlery and placing the dishes, how quiet and engrossed he was in it, how, although his eyes constantly glimmered like stars, he hid so much behind them, so, so much.

In this timeline, Yae Na remembered, that nothing was over. Doctor Yoon probably escaped last night, and Sung Gyu’s mind was still wounded up around it, although he was here, trying his best not to show his concerns. This is the Sung Gyu that Yae Na had always known, and she knew that nothing she’d say or do would change that. He would open up so little about work, keep mostly to himself and search for comfort in her embrace in every other way but that. Yae Na also realized that she’d have to live with it, accept it just as she had for the past six years, and if anything, love him more, for there’s nothing that love couldn’t heal.

“Aren’t you going to look at the stew?” He asked her as he concentratedly placed chopsticks on the table. “Or are you going to let it boil over?”

Yae Na smiled, shaking her head. He could be overbearing sometimes, quite the complainer. But he was her mess to love.

Yae Na returned to the broth and Sung Gyu sat down to talk to the dogs who enthusiastically responded. She had just returned to the table with the piping hot stew on tow when Sung Gyu’s phone began to rang. For some reason, the sound of his phone gave her raging anxiety; from the very first timeline when he left her behind to the last where Yae Na was certain how their fate was going to be. Even then, she paused, stilled in the moment as Sung Gyu’s face visibly darkened. He glanced up at her, and she wished he couldn’t see the horror in her eyes. He picked up the phone then, climbed up on his feet and hurried out of the kitchen to her room.

Yae Na gave it a second, then two. Then she placed the hot stew on a coaster and promptly followed after him.

Sung Gyu was speaking in a lowly hushed tone that she couldn’t make out much of what he was saying. However, she could see his movements, read his expressions. He moved about the room, one hand on his waist, the other holding the phone. He’d nod a couple of times, he’d run his hand through his hair, he’d close his eyes, take deep breaths, and Yae Na could almost assume what it was about. The call didn’t last for long, but his reaction post-call seemed to last for a long time. As soon as the call ended, Sung Gyu sat down on the bed, all the weight that he’d carried on his shoulders perhaps being finally taken away. Then he covered his face with both his hands and stayed like that for a very long time.

Yae Na knew what exactly that meant. Yae Na knew it all.

Back in the kitchen, she pretended not to have seen or overheard anything as she continued to fill their bowls with rice. Sung Gyu entered the kitchen, slow on his feet. He stood there for a moment as Yae Na paused, gripping the spoon so hard as the warm steam from the cooker lingered on her skin. In a matter of minutes, then, Sung Gyu had approached her, and his arms slowly wrapped around her, holding her from her back. Yae Na could feel the lightness of his touch, the gentleness of his weight when he rested his head upon her shoulder and breathed her in. Her own hand rested on top of his on her midriff and he held her like that for a while.

“Good news?” She asked him in the end, having clarified her doubts in his response. There was definitive relief in his stance, she could tell.

“Very good news” He sighed, leaned in and kissed her on her cheek.

“Yae Na” He called her.

“Hm?”

“Do you remember the red cross murderer that I was talking about?”

Yae Na’s hand gripped onto his even harder, which he didn’t seem to notice. “Yeah?”

“We caught him” He muttered, and his voice broke. “It was Howon on the phone just now, and they’d caught him this morning”

If it was any other time, if it was the continuation of her original timeline and if the time-glitch never happened, this wouldn’t have excited her as much. But in truth, Yae Na and he had gone so much together; it didn’t fail to bring tears to her eyes.

“They did?”

“Yeah they did”

Yae Na couldn’t sound too eager, she couldn’t possibly show that she knew all about it. Rather, she made light of the situation. “Is this the guy who draw a red cross somewhere in the crime scene?” She knew exactly what it meant, but he didn’t have to know.

Sung Gyu burst out in laughter and turned her around. “You’re so cute” He said and took the spoon off her hand. “Is that what you thought the whole time I talked about him?”

She widened her eyes. “Is it not why you call him that?”

He laughed again, holding her in his arms. She hadn’t seen him laugh so much in a long time, and now she realised how much she had missed it. “It’s not….but it sounds so much better”

Yae Na smiled, moved in and hugged him close in her arms. She buried her face in his chest, breathed in his scent, and she hadn’t felt safer than she did right then, she felt home.

“I’m glad its over”

She knew that what she meant wasn’t exactly what he interpreted, but he didn’t have to know. Not now, at least. Perhaps when times had passed by, when none of this mattered, she’d tell him, she’d tell him everything. But for now-,

“Me too...I’m glad its over”

She gave it a second then, and a moment of contemplation. Although she wouldn’t tell him in detail. She couldn’t help it, she couldn’t help thinking, she couldn’t help wondering. So she pulled away from him, just a few inches of a gap and met his eyes.

“Oppa…”

“Hm?”

“I have a question”

He narrowed his eyes. “As long as its not about the murderer-,”

“If you could live the same day again and again, what day would it be?”

Sung Gyu looked at her, baffled, perplexed. “Is that your question?”

“Mmhm” Yae Na nodded.

“Well” Sung Gyu started, looked away, but he didn’t take long before he replied. “I have to say, for now, today is topping the charts”

Today. Yae Na gave it a thought. If she could choose to live today again and again, would she make that choice? Ever?

She looked up at Sung Gyu, gazed into his glistening eyes, into the millions of stars inside them, the universe that they held. He was happy, if the smile on his lips hadn’t said much, and he was glowing. If Yae Na could see this smile, hear the sound of his laughter and feel the warmth of his embrace for every second that she lived, she wouldn’t think twice to take a chance, any day.

“Today?” She reiterated, earning a nod in return. She smiled at him, moved closer and buried herself in his arms.

“Me too...today would do”

_~Fin~_

* * *


End file.
